Dear Harlan,

I've followed and listened to your dating and relationship advice, but still it's been very difficult to find love - and I live in the college-kid Mecca, Boston. I'm at a loss. Specifically, how do I talk to a perfect stranger who I'm attracted to? I've always been really socially awkward in the dating department, and I don't know how to strike up a conversation with someone I'm interested in. I should mention that I have accepted The Universal Rejection Truth but still, all the boys I find attractive here are guys I see in the dining hall or maybe just in passing. There actually are two guys I'm really attracted to, but I don't know what to say to either of them! What do I do in that situation?

Elizabeth

Dear Liz,

There's a huge difference between being aware of The Universal Rejection Truth of Dating and relationships and accepting The Universal Rejection Truth. It's the difference between being aware of deodorant and actually using deodorant. Until you make applying it part of your everyday life, you'll stink at taking risks (and stink while taking risks). A few questions for you: Do you have any attractive qualities? Would someone be lucky to date you? Do you deserve the very best? I'll assume the answers are YES, YES and YES. So, if you approach these guys and they don't want you, will you still have these same attractive qualities? YES. Is there a chance you'll feel embarrassed after getting rejected? MAYBE. But you have no reason to be embarrassed. You're giving anyone you approach the greatest opportunity of their lives. This isn't being cocky - it's accepting the URT. One more thing you must know: Men are intimidated when it comes to approaching attractive women - especially men who are interested in you. Once you can accept the truth and the fact that you're difficult to approach, you can start approaching men with a different mindset. If you're eating alone, you can ask to sit with a guy who interests you while sharing with him, "I'm not a fan of eating alone." If you spot a guy on the way to class who interests you, approach him and tell him, "I've seen you around campus and want to introduce myself - I feel like we should know each other." In other words, just say what you feel. Once you give men permission to NOT want you, it's easier to think of things to say because you aren't consumed with what everyone is thinking. Once you're no longer consumed with what everyone is thinking, you'll be free to think clearly and say what you feel.