Hey Harlan,

I'm a junior in college coming out of a three-year relationship. My ex started her first year in college. Three weeks into the school year, she broke up with me. She said she wanted to find herself and needed time. She also mentioned that my texts were suffocating. Still, she continued to text me and tells me that she loves and misses me. I tried to see if she wanted to get back together, but it was no use. I heard from a friend up there she might have cheated on me. She denies it. I told her I couldn't wait around for her. Still, she texts me, but now without saying "I love you." How long does it take girls to adjust and realize what they want?

She might need a week, a month, a year, several years or a first marriage - but how long she needs is irrelevant. What matters is that you move ahead. I know, it's a brutally painful thought, but give her permission to be confused and unsure. Forget focusing on her. Instead, focus on being kind to yourself. If it's too painful to text her, stop it. If it's too painful to be her friend, find other friends. I know, moving ahead without her might be a scary thought, but let me plant another thought in your head. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. In fact, there are thousands of women who will want to be with you. Don't be selfish and keep these other women from getting to know you. When your ex comes to her senses, you may or may not be available for her. That's her problem. All you need to do is take care of yourself and stop waiting.