Dear Harlan,

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He is a guy who always has had a very hard life - no support from his parents, works full time, always dealing with the struggles of life. He recently failed a few exams and has fallen into a depressed state. He already sees a psychologist, but feels like his life is over. On the other hand, I'm excited with all life has to offer and am starting to be affected by his depression. I don't know what to do about him. I do care about him and don't want to leave him when he needs me the most, but this is starting to affect me deeply. I'm not sure what to do next.

In Love, But Sad

Dear Sad,

So now you're getting depressed too? Being miserable with him is not a sign of devotion. That's just a sign that too many people in this relationship are miserable. You're not married to this man - you're dating him. If dating him is too much for you to handle, then you might need to let go of this relationship. What you see is a preview of what life will be like together (at times). If you're not equipped to handle this now, it will only get harder and more difficult as you move into the future. Instead of beating yourself up, make a change. Making a change can mean going to counseling with him and talking about your feelings. It can means suggesting that he change to a new psychologist or a psychiatrist. It can mean taking a break from the relationship in order to get stronger. The most important person in this relationship is you. Before you can know if you can take care of him, you need to first take care of yourself.