Dear Harlan,

This past Thursday night, my friend decided to go out drinking for "Thirsty Thursday." She woke up the next morning confused on the sofa at a frat house across the street from our dorm. She remembers starting the night out there drinking with our other friend, but she literally could not remember anything else from that night. She also had a lot of inexplicable bruises. She asked a brother (who she had been texting and had gotten her into the frat that night) if they had sex, and he said no. He did say she fell off one of the loft beds and hit her head on the desk, which explained the bruises. Later on in the day, our other friend, who had class with the guy, overheard him telling his friends that he DID have sex with my friend. She told my friend, and she texted him and asked the guy to tell her the truth. He said that yes, they had sex. He said that she fell off the loft, they had sex, and then she threw up and passed out on the couch. At this point I made my friend come with me to the student health center. We told the nurse everything, and my friend was urged to go to the emergency room. My friend's parents were coming to pick her up to go home for the weekend, so she wanted to wait to go to the ER with them. She told her parents that she fell and hit her head, but did not want to tell them about getting raped. The nurse and I persuaded her to pull someone aside when she was getting a CT scan, and get the rape kit done secretly. At the hospital, she found out that she had suffered a major concussion, and should have been taken to the ER right after it happened. The doctor said there was a 95 percent chance that she was unconscious after the fall, especially because she apparently threw up. Not only was it medical neglect that he didn't do anything after she hit her head, but it became clearer that he absolutely raped her. She doesn't know if she wants to do anything about it, because her strict parents would likely force her to withdraw from school and move back home if they found out. Second of all, she tells me (and I have heard stories, too) about all of the instances where girls press charges after being raped, and the repercussions are worse for them than the accused themselves. I don't know what to do or how to approach this situation.

Enraged and Outraged

Dear Enraged and Outraged,

For someone who doesn't know how to approach this situation, you've done EVERYTHING right. You urged her to go to the health center. You helped her get a rape examination within 72 hours. And you've made it clear that she has done nothing wrong. Now she needs more support. She needs support from a sexual-assault counselor on campus, other survivors and officials on campus who can help her understand her legal options. With support in place, she can decide the best way to approach the rapist, her parents and the healing process. Help her get support and be a shoulder for her to cry on - no matter how she decides to move forward.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCE: If you or someone you know has been raped, contact the RAINN HOTLINE: 800-656-HOPE or visit online www.rainn.org.