Dear Harlan,

I do a lot of work mentoring teenagers. I often offer remarks to them about obtaining self-discipline as they become independent adults. I preach to them how important self-discipline is next to school work, social life and adjusting to independence. How can I articulate good methods for becoming disciplined to the students I work closely with? With so many distractions, it's hard for college-age students to achieve. Could you provide me with any advice so that I could help them further?

Teen Mentor

Dear Teen Mentor,

Preaching is preachy. But stories - stories are the way to connect. We love hearing about winning. We love hearing about losing. But we especially love hearing about strong people getting beat up, but somehow getting back up and finding their way. Teach them by sharing personal stories that reveal your most vulnerable and proudest moments. Then, invite close friends and leaders in the community to do the same. Encourage these teens you mentor to embark on a journey that will help the write their own stories. Encourage them to reach out to you and others along the way. Just be patient and forgiving. Give them room to make mistakes, give them time to think when they fall and give them resources to help them get back on their feet again. Connect them to experts who can encourage and support them along the way. Most importantly, model what it means to live a life of integrity, honesty and self-discipline. They might not always be listening to you or your stories, but they are always watching. Don't just tell them - show them.