Dear Harlan,

I must confess: I haven't even moved in with my roommate, and I already have a little conflict. I am moving into our double exactly two days before her. The beauty of moving in first is choosing the bed I'd be comfortable sleeping in and which side of the room I want. The problem is, as soon as I e-mailed her letting her know my move-in date, she decided to visit campus and then e-mail me her choice of bed as "the one furthest from the door." As much as I want to compromise and say "sure," I just don't want to be a pushover, so I haven't replied. I just hope it works out and that I don't have some inclination or preference toward this bed I have not yet seen. After all, I move in first, and should have first dibs, right?

Pre-Roommate Fight

Dear Pre-Roommate Fight,

Um, no - that is, unless you want to be the roommate from HELL!

She doesn't get second best because she arrives second (are you the first born?). She didn't do anything wrong. She expressed herself. This isn't about a bed - it's about communicating and trusting that she wants to get along. Once you can trust that she wants to get along as much as you do, you can have conversations instead of confrontations. This is when you might just discover that she doesn't really care that much about the bed. In fact, she's way more interested in having the bigger closet (wait, you wanted that, too?).