Dear Harlan,

Why is it that guys are so willing to please you and be attentive in the beginning of a relationship, but seem not to care once you've been dating a while? How do you get a man to keep making as much effort once the relationship progresses? This seems to be a pattern in my relationships.

Close to Giving Up

Dear Close to Giving Up,

As a man, I can tell you that women can be just as willing to please and fade once they win a man over. We all dress better, groom better, dine better, listen better and try our best to please when we first start dating. Once the relationship gets rolling, a woman might skip a day shaving her legs and a man might forget to wear deodorant on occasion (it happens - we get busy). Before blaming men for what they're doing wrong, the problem might be that there isn't a problem. The honeymoon phase of a relationship isn't what a relationship should or can always be. Dating means getting to know someone and deciding if you want to stick around. If someone sticks around, you need to understand that you're loved and respected beyond the honeymoon phase. This is where the intimacy part of a relationship comes into play. Next time, take more time during the early part of the relationship to gauge what a guy wants. This isn't a first-date conversation - it's something that unfolds over time. One thing that can help - avoid getting naked too soon. The more time you spend not naked, the better you can get to know your partner and his (or her) motivation. Most couples tend to get along extremely well while naked. It's the fully clothed part that takes more work. The more quality time you can spend not naked early in the relationship, the more understanding you'll both be when after dating a year and he forgets to put on deodorant or you forget to shave.