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Giving Back

Counseling for Success is grateful for the opportunity to work with you.  During this month of thanksgiving we have chosen to give back to those less fortunate in appreciation of all we have been given.  We will be contributing to the Child Fund International by sponsoring a little boy in Cambodia named Sothy.  Our sponsorship will be for a full year so he can have access to basic education, nutrition and emergency assistance. 

Thank you for helping make this possible.

Child Fund International provides programs for children and their families in 31 countries and parts of the United States, emphasizing participation and empowerment.  Child Fund International is inspired and driven by the potential that is inherent in all children; the potential not only to survive but to thrive, to become leaders who bring positive change for those around them.

Q.  Everyone hates my boss including me. He's good friends with the CEO and CFO so he'll never be fired.  I manage thirty people and they are constantly complaining to me.  My hands are tied, there's really nothing I can do.  It's been like this for eight years now and I've had it! I am sick of dealing with the complaints and want to quit my job but it's a terrible time to look for work. 

A.  It is time to work with, rather than against, these circumstances. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves.  Start asking yourself, "How can I make the most of this situation?"  If Tiger Woods only played well in the sun and could not perform well in the rain and wind, would he be the exceptional athlete he is today?  No.  He learned how to work with the elements and not let the situation get the best of him.

Whether it is a bad boss, stormy weather, or negative people, ask not, "How can I change this situation."  Ask, "How can I change myself."  Start by changing your attitude and look at this as an opportunity rather than a burden.  If you see this situation as a burden, your mind will NOT be stimulated to seek solutions, instead it will shut down.  If you perceive this as an opportunity, your mind will become stimulated to find practical solutions, it will open up, and you will become more energized and creative.

You can also adopt the mindset of a comedian. Does your boss or employees remind you of a grouchy cartoon character or annoying wind up toy?  If you can see them as Oscar the Grouch or some silly character it will make dealing with them easier.  Finally, make sure you set aside time at the end of the day to rest and recharge.  This internal adjustment does take work, but you will feel more capable and confident.  Just look what it's done for Tiger.

- Julie, age 36

A.  The first thing you need to do is tell someone.  Get support.  When it comes to any out of control behavior, we cannot heal what we hide.  Tell a friend, attend a debtors anonymous meeting, or seek counseling.  This support will alleviate the shame you are feeling.  Next, find other ways to make yourself feel good other than spending. Take a walk with friends, social support helps.   Take time to write down your emotions.  Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a form of healthy emotional release and can also help bring clarity to the root cause of your spending.  Find a friend who will help keep you accountable.  Tell them what your budget is and your plan for reducing your debt. 

Several of my clients know intellectually what they need to do, but repeatedly ask themselves, "then why can't I change?"  Impulsive, excess spending is an emotional problem and requires emotionally based solutions.  Find ways to fill your emotional bank account and your financial bank account will also grow.

1. The Bedtime Bonus.   When you are comfortable in bed, before falling asleep think of 2-3 things you are grateful for and feel the positive emotions. This is an effective strategy for sweet dreams because we often dream about what we think about before falling asleep.

2. Just say, "Thank you."  Tell a family member, friend, or person at the grocery store, "Thank you."  Express your appreciation to one person, once a day.  Remember the last time someone complimented you?  Didn't it feel good?
People like to feel appreciated and acknowledged.  Spread good cheer by giving compliments and recognition to those around you - friends, family, co-workers and people in your neighborhood.

3. Everyday gratitude.  Pick 3 things you see right now. A table, a pen, your cell phone.  These are great inventions that we take for granted.  What if this item didn't exist?  How would your life be different?  Now think of all the things you can do because this item was invented.  So many people's homes, closets, and storage lockers are overflowing with things but they still don't feel like they have enough.  It's not "things" that make us happy; it is the appreciation of these things that brings lasting happiness. 

4. A Thankful Diary.  Write down 2-5 things you are grateful for and why.  You can do this once a day or once a week.  It is not important how often you do it or the number of entries.  It is the quality of time you spend and your state of mind that makes this exercise effective.  When your thoughts and feelings are put on paper they become more real and tangible.

5. Reminisce.  Think of 1-2 fond memories. Some people think the memory has to be a big event.  It can be big or small, whether it is a special holiday, a simple meal, or the purr of a kitten.