Hey BearFighters,
How are you? We are good, considering this past weekend of sloppiness which involved the Bruins parading about town like they owned the place. Meanwhile Bearfight was trying to get to band practice to get better at their instruments and traffic was crazy and OK this is not even worth continuing to lie about. We were reveling in the streets with the rest of the proletariat.
In fact we mounted a serious campaign (this is a true story) to get ourselves on a duck boat for the parade. Bruins are bears who get in fights. We are Bearfight.* Frankly, we felt that this should have been obvious to the powers that be, but somehow they missed it. So we hit up each one of our CONSIDERABLE local, state and national contacts, insluding NESN, NBC, WEEI, City Hall, a lady we know who knows Dropkick Murphys, and the Bruins Executive offices, and we even went so far as to create a Facebook Event. I know right? How did this not work out for us? Turns out Menino himself put the kibosh on it. But there is a small victory here: our influence may not be such that we can actually get what we want, but it is sufficient that it takes a really important guy to shut us down. Not bad. The lesson here is we need to install a more cover-band friendly mayor. Like say... Tommy Brooks!! Brooks 2012! OR 2013? When do we elect mayors?
Seriously though, wouldn't you vote for Tommy Brooks? This is turning into a legitimate idea. YES WE BEARD!
Yeah that would have been a much better story if it ended with us playing on a duck boat. We do apologize. There is always next year.
*Note: by this logic, Gordon Bombay, Charlie Conway, Goldberg and possibly Adam Banks should also have been on a Duck Boat. Not the Anaheim Ducks though. Those losers don't get shit.
As we have previously said, most of our humor comes in list form...
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| Thanks, tip your waitresses. |
You may not have heard, because it hasn't been anywhere on the internet at all and nobody is talking about it, but your Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins recently racked up a $156,000 bar tab at Foxwoods, $100,000 of which went to ONE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.
A larger bottle, but still....
BEARFIGHT'S LIST OF WHAT WE WOULD DO WITH $100,000 INSTEAD OF SPENDING IT ON A $100,000 BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE:
1. The down payment on $1 Million bottle of champagne.
2. One $90,000 bottle of champagne, and two $5,000 bottles of champagne.
3. One $80,000 bottle of champagne, and two $10,000 bottles of champagne.
4. 22,270 bottles of Andre ($4.49 a "pop"), and the remaining $8.70 we'll keep for walking around money. OK let's get off the champagne theme...
5. One $99,999 bottle of rum and a coke.
6. A speed boat and a machine that makes your shirt blow in the wind in slow motion.
7. The airplane from Tale Spin.
8. Two chicks at the same time.
9. Medical insurance.
Mordant political humor from Bearfight.
10. Some new guitars.
11. Some new guitarists.
12. Top hat, monocle, Boardwalk, and Park Place.
Fun fact:
Did you know there is a guy whose sole job responsibility is taking care of the Stanley Cup? We can't decide if this is the best or the worst job on the planet, but either way it's for the same reason: Everywhere the Cup goes it is a party. It's the magic party cup. Bring it into a room and everybody starts partying. We have heard that it can magically turn itself into 20 Stanley Cups if the Bruins want to play Beirut (but you're going to have to pull 2 cups out of the kitchen sink for water cups).
BUT ANYWAY, the guy whose job it is to safeguard this...
We ask you: best job or worst job? Text "best" or "worst" to... ok this is going to be a poll that you do by yourself because we dont have a hotline set up for this. YET.
Oh yeah we're playing in Newport, Rhode Island this weekend. You probably won't be there.
ONE PELHAM EAST!
