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July-August 2009
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To find out more about the services I offer my clients, click here to visit my website.

To see a short excerpt of my presentation "Learning to Look on the Bright Side," click here.

To hear a recent radio interview in which I discuss "Building Emotional Intelligence Skills in Your Children", click here.
 
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Bar-On EQ-i Model 
 
I am professionally certified to administer the Bar-On EQ-i®, the first, most validated, and most widely used emotional intelligence instrument. Many of my clients have found this assessment to be extremely helpful in understanding their current level of emotional intelligence and learning about which EQ competencies to focus on developing.
 
In the Bar-On EQ-i® instrument, emotional intelligence includes and separately measures the following key competency areas:
 
INTRAPERSONAL
Self-regard
Emotional Self-awareness
Assertiveness
Independence
Self-actualization
 
INTERPERSONAL
Empathy
Social Responsibility
Interpersonal Relationships
 
STRESS MANAGEMENT
Stress Tolerance
Impulse Control
 
ADAPTABILITY
Reality Testing
Flexibility
Problem Solving
 
GENERAL MOOD
Happiness
Optimism
"You can eat an elephant if you do it one bite at a time."
 
-- Robert Riley
  
 
"It takes a real storm in the average person's life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls."
 
-- Author Unknown
 
"Holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
 
-- Buddha 
 
 
Looking for an inspiring and entertaining speaker for your organization or group?
 
My passion is helping others to discover their purpose and reach their potential.  I would love to speak with your group about gratitude, strengths, optimism, leadership, vision, values, emotional intelligence and other development-related topics.  For more information on how I can help your group, and to see a short video clip, visit www.kathylight.com/speaking
How's Your EQ?
Part IV: Stress Tolerance
 
stress2 
"It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it." -- Hans Selye
 
In my last several newsletters, I have discussed the concept of emotional self-awareness and empathy. In this issue I focus on the skill of stress tolerance.
 
Stress tolerance can be defined as the ability to withstand difficult events and stressful situations without "falling apart" or losing control, through taking steps to actively and positively cope with stress. Being successful in this area means that you are generally calm, rarely impulsive, and usually composed under pressure.
 
Typically, people who have high stress tolerance have three attributes:
  1. The ability to choose appropriate and helpful ways to deal with stress
  2. An optimistic outlook towards new experiences and their own ability to handle change and challenge
  3. A feeling that they have the ability to influence stressful situations by being calm.
In these challenging economic times, even people who typically have a high degree of stress tolerance may find their fuses to be a little shorter than normal. We can all benefit from taking a look at how we proactively manage our stress. By building our stress tolerance, we can feel confident that when stressful events happen, we'll be ready for them. And, we can prevent chronically heightened stress levels, which can be very dangerous to our overall health and well-being.
 
Stress tolerance, like all the other EQ competencies, can be learned, with attention and repetition.
 
So, how do you develop your stress tolerance? Here are a few ideas: 
  • Eat regularly and nutritiously throughout the day. Avoid blood sugar spikes and crashes that cause irritability and anxiety.
  • Drink lots of water.
  • Do something nice for someone. As Mark Twain said, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
  • Nourish your friendships and other close relationships. Having people you can confide in is always important, but particularly during stressful times. Make an effort to be there for them when they need you, so you'll have their support when you need them.
  • Plan and prioritize, especially at the end of the day. Thinking through what is most important to accomplish the next day will help you sleep better, and will help you know that even though you may not be able to get everything on your to-do list done, you will at least get the most important things done.
  • Learn to recognize when you are feeling overwhelmed, and tell yourself to take the situation one step at a time.
  • Develop an exercise routine, and/or take a walk every day.
  • Visualize stressful situations in advance, and practice what you will say and how you will respond to them.
  • Practice the "Quick Coherence" technique, developed by a company called HeartMath. "Coherence" refers to a mental and emotional state we experience when we are "in sync" - when our heart, brain and nervous system are working together efficiently and harmoniously. This is not the same as being relaxed. For example, when Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger performed the amazing feat of landing Flight 1549 safely on the Hudson River earlier this year, he could not have been very relaxed, but he was most certainly coherent! The Quick Coherence method has been proven to reduce stress and anxiety, and improve performance. The steps include:
    1. Heart focus (focus your mind on the area right in the center of your chest)
    2. Heart breathing (imagine yourself breathing from this central area)
    3. Heart feeling (recall a positive feeling of love, care, or appreciation, and try to recreate that feeling in your mind).
  • Buy and use an extremely effective tool for managing stress, the HeartMath Emwave PC. This computer software (also available as a portable hand-held device) enables you to monitor your level of coherence and consciously change it through practicing the Quick Coherence technique. (For more information about HeartMath and the Emwave PC, visit www.heartmath.com.
  • Smile and laugh a lot. Both release health-promoting chemicals.
  • Get enough sleep, and have a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up.
  • Make a point to focus on what you can control, and let go of what you can't.
(Many of the above development activities were adapted from the training program EQ & You, © 1999, 2003, 2005 and 2009, by Kate Cannon.)
 
Sometimes high stress tolerance can be more of a liability than an asset. People with very high stress tolerance may be so accustomed to handling stress that they don't realize when they are about to hit their limit, and get blindsided by a seemingly small stressor that becomes the "straw that broke the camel's back." Or if they lead others, they may view the "normal" stress tolerance levels of their staff members as unacceptable, and push team members beyond healthy limits. If you know yourself to have very high stress tolerance, ask those who are close to you to give you an honest assessment of how your high stress tolerance impacts others.
 
In my next newsletter, I'll discuss the EQ competency of Social Responsibility. If you would like to learn more about how to measure and develop your EQ, please contact me for a complimentary consultation to discuss how I help my clients in this area.
 
Wishing you a calm and peaceful month,
 
~Kathy
 
 
 

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