News from Kathy Light Leadership

So what if you're not an optimist by nature? What if you're a chronic worrier or a glass half-empty kind of person? Can you learn to be optimistic? The answer is a resounding "Yes!"

Many books have been written on this topic, but the one I most highly recommend is the classic Learned Optimism by psychologist Martin Seligman, one of the founders of the positive psychology movement.

Seligman discovered through his research that the biggest difference between optimists and pessimists is their "explanatory style", i.e. the way they explain difficulties to themselves. Three key differences are permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. Pessimists tend to believe that the causes of bad things are permanent, always happen, and are all their fault ("She never talks to me.", "Diets never work.", "The boss yelled at me because I always make mistakes."). Optimists, on the other hand, see the causes of bad things as temporary, local (as opposed to global) and not personal. ("She'll have more time to talk next month."; "I'll have more luck with my diet if I work with a partner."; "The boss yelled at me because he's under a lot of stress.")

So how do you train yourself to be an optimist? It starts with paying attention to how you are thinking about the adversities, or difficulties, in your life. Seligman defined the ABC model: A = Adversity, B = Belief, C = Consequence. If we pay attention to what we are thinking or believing about an adversity and change it, we will change the outcome, or consequence. Here's a simple example. If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of thinking, "What a selfish jerk!" and honking your horn, try thinking, "Well, that person must be in a big rush; maybe there's an emergency. I hope she's okay." The second option will result in a lot less stress for you, and may even help you have a much better day.

Like any new skill, mastering the ABC model takes practice, and to make it most effective in changing your outlook, it requires an additional step. Seligman labeled the additional step D, for Disputation, or "arguing with yourself."

Here's an example: A coaching client of mine held a marketing event and met several individuals who expressed interest in meeting with him. When he called the first of these prospects, she was very curt with him on the phone and asked him to call her another time. His initial reaction was to take it personally, assume the prospect was not interested in working with him after all, and even to let her reaction keep him from calling the other new prospects on his list. (Note personalization and pervasiveness in the thinking.) As he discussed the situation with me a few days later, he began to "argue with himself" and realize that her reaction had nothing to do with him, but about whatever was going on in her life at the time. And it certainly had nothing to do with the other people on his list! He identified the belief that was holding him back, convinced himself otherwise, and changed the consequence by getting back on the phone and calling the people on his list, with several positive results.

It isn't always easy to change your thinking, but once you've "raised your antenna" and made a commitment to change, you'll start catching yourself. Research shows it takes about 30 days to instill a new habit, so try using the ABC(D) model over the next month and watch your optimism grow!

Next month, in Part II of "Learning to Look on the Bright Side", I'll share strategies for maintaining your optimism long term.

Thank you for reading, and I wish you all the best!

~ Kathy