- "I am devastated by the way my mother is behaving."
- "My boss is completely disrespecting me"
- "I am not feeling good about that meeting."
- "My doctor barely gave me five minutes"
- "My husband just doesn't get it."
- "My friend really hurt my feelings."
Above is just a sampling of the comments I have heard from clients that feel they are having major conflict in their lives. Each one is suffering in silence afraid to speak up fearful it will hurt the other person's feelings.
The cost can be huge! When you don't stand up, numerous feelings show up and none of them is pleasant. Your physical and mental well-being is under attack from the stress that has been created and spirals with various outcomes. Just a few of these can be exhaustion, illness, over-eating, anger or depression. What's the price you will pay if you stuff your feelings and don't speak up? Why then is it so scary to simply state what you need from someone else?
Gee, what if they get mad at you or don't like you anymore? Aren't you already disenchanted with them? Do you honestly think they can't feel your anger or resentment? All of us at one time or another has been on the receiving end of someone not being candid and telling us how they feel. It keeps us off balance just wondering what the other person is mad about. Aren't you relieved to know what the heck is going on when they finally do tell you? Now at least with the wondering game over you can deal with the situation.
First, get clear with yourself on what you need from the other person. What is it that is bothering you? Once you are clear with yourself about what the true issue is you can now get ready to speak from your heart and not from anger or fear. The easiest way to have these conversations is to start by telling the other person what it is you admire or like about them. Hopefully now they are ready to listen. Speak calmly and from your heart. You certainly don't want to yell or make them feel bad. Remember you typically get back the attitude that you give. Simply state the facts of what works for you. This is not about them it is about you letting them know how you feel.
Speaking from your heart without anger or fear is typically well received. Great relationships are based on honest conversations and mutual respect. Be willing to first be honest with yourself about what you need and then communicate it to others. When you do you will find a huge weight lifted from your shoulders. The other person will be relieved as well, just knowing what is going on with you.
Take charge of your life and start respecting yourself enough to say what you need to say! Everyone will benefit.
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