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CONFLICT CREATES CLARITY
Last month my life was filled with new challenges surrounded with conflict. Through all of this I had an "AHA" moment. I know many of you struggle each day with much of the conflict that shows up and I'm here to tell you that it never has to be a struggle.
I had an exciting announcement to make or so I thought. I had been lead to believe I was in a partnership (his word not mine) and collaborating with a man I admire. We were planning workshops, coaching sessions and would be collaborating on his second book.
Then things got quiet for a few weeks, I was told we were putting our conference calls on hold, taking a break. Yes, there were red flags along the way that even I ignored. I knew no one had ever succeeded working with him in the past although many had tried. His family was also involved and I know better than to muddle in family business. Then, the e-mail arrived out of the blue.
In the middle of a ten mile bike ride, while stopping to get a drink of water, I checked my phone for email messages and began to read. It started with, "We have decided" and ended with "your role should you chose is . . ." What happened to partner and collaborator? I knew nothing about this "we". Part of me wanted to lie down on the path and cry but I still had five more miles to ride, most of it uphill.
What good was feeling sorry for myself? This was the perfect time to look at the lessons and not throw myself into victim mode. What could I learn to take forward with me? What was perfectly right about this situation?
Okay, I will admit I was numb while wondering if I had misinterpreted the e-mail. I waited a day so I could be in control and then called the gentleman. I politely asked if he could tell me more about this email (Maybe my intuition was wrong about the message).
Nope, he confirmed exactly what I thought the e-mail meant. Calmly I told him of my disappointment, the vision of what I thought we had and how I was quite stunned that I had not been involved in the discussion or decisions. Then politely I informed him that integrity was one of my top values and that I could never work with someone that was not honoring that. Our trust was broken, we were done. I wished him well and hung up.
So as Oprah would say, the "Aha" was huge. Clarity popped right up as I used the tools I have taught so many of you. I AM the queen of dealing with conflict and helping others do so. With all this life experience, the degree in organizational behavior and my coaching certification, I really have learned how to handle conflict rationally and with humor most of the time. I felt and feel terrific being guided towards my next steps in my business and I am grateful for all that has occurred to lead me down this path.
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