September 2010
GaGazine Contents
2010 - 2011 Calendar
November 7 Meeting
2011 Presenters Needed
GGS Ranked in Top 12 Blogs
The Delicate Balance of Disciplining Grandchildren
The GaGa Zone

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2010 - 2011 Calendar

Date
       Host      
Presenter

Nov 7     Irene       Gabrielle Miller
Jan 9     Donna     Jeannie Lythcott
Mar 6     Helena     Nancy Wulff
May 1    Eve           Open      
July 10   Marcie      Open
Sep 17   Kathy        Open
Nov 6     Open        Open


November 7 Meeting

At our meeting we'll have the opportunity to meet Gabrielle Miller, Executive Director of Raising A Reader, and learn tips and activities for sharing books with our grandchildren.

She'll explain some of the new research on children's reading acquisition skills and the delightful experience she calls "book cuddling." She'll show us some ways we can help our grandchildren develop language and reading readiness so they'll succeed in school and in life.


2011 Presenters Needed

At our September 19 meeting I passed around a sign up sheet for our 2011 calendar. Five GaGas volunteered to host meetings and I thank you for saying yes.

GaGa Jeannie is going to present some pre-school and elementary school science experiments for our January 9, 2011 meeting. Artist Nancy Wulff will discuss the different stages of art development and the creative process in children and teach us some art projects to do with our grandchildren for the March 6 meeting.

We still need presenters for May 1, July 10, September 17, and November 6. If you have any suggestions for topics or speakers, please let me know.
GGS Ranked in Top 12 Blogs
GRAND award

I'm thrilled to announce that the GaGa Sisterhood was named one of the Top 12 GRANDparent Blogs in GRAND Magazine's 1st Annual Best of the Web 2010 Awards.

GRAND Magazine, the online magazine for grandmas and grandpas was first published as a print magazine in 2004 then went digital in 2008.

I'm proud to be recognized by GRAND because their mission completely aligns with mine: to provide grandparents of all ages and in all stages of life both information and inspiration. GRAND celebrates the joys and tackles the challenges of one of life's sweetest experiences--having grandchildren.

And now here's some good news for you: In recognition of my award GRAND Magazine is offering a one-year complimentary subscription (regularly $19.95) to GRAND for free! To start your subscription, just click on this link:
http://bit.ly/GRANDMAG

Greetings!
 
Every one of our meetings over the past 7 years has had its own unique qualities. But September 19 stands out in my mind as the most unusual meeting to date. There were 31 GaGas, half were new members who joined after reading the SF Chronicle article, 2 toddlers, (one grandma brought her grandsons,) 2 dogs, and 2 horses! And there was plenty of space for all of us in Carleen's exquisite garden. Mother Nature cooperated and despite a 40% chance of rain, the sun broke through and the wind chimes tinkled throughout the afternoon.

When I introduced our host, Carleen, I said that she epitomized today's busy GaGa! She had just come from an open house she was showing, her grandsons were doing their homework at her dining room table with their father, a new tenant arrived with her U-Haul truck to move in as our meeting began, and Carleen had to leave early to return to the open house.  

But what made it truly memorable for me was our presenter, Dr. Heidi Feldman. A GaGa in good standing, Heidi covered the delicate balance of disciplining grandchildren with warmth, humor, and clarity. One member said it best in her email the next day: "The meeting was a 10! Heidi was so creative in the way she addressed her topic. I loved how she got everyone talking, contributing, and even role-playing! Lots of laughs and sharing--it was great fun!"

Many of you wrote to thank me for the day and for creating the GaGa Sisterhood. I just want to say thank you for affirming what I have believed since the day I became a grandma:

As grandmas, we've been blessed with a complicated role. The GaGa Sisterhood is providing a forum to help us navigate all the joys and challenges that being a grandma means today.

In Sisterhood,
 SigColor
The Delicate Balance of Disciplining Grandchildren

Keeping Our Balance

HeidiIn addition to being a pediatrician and professor of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at Stanford Medical School, Heidi also teaches yoga. So it was no surprise that she began the meeting by asking us all to stand and do a "tree" pose without holding onto anything. Tree pose requires standing on one foot and keeping your balance as you bring your other foot to the inside of your ankle or if you're more advanced, to your thigh!

There was lots of laughter as we wobbled and adjusted trying to keep our balance. Then she asked us to find a partner and do the pose again. Everyone found they achieved steadiness with gentle help from their partner. Heidi said she chose the exercise as a metaphor for the day and for the topic: We can achieve successful balance with more security and support.

Role-playing Brings Rewards


Next Heidi asked us to describe an incident with our grandchild that troubled us. Playing on the examples, she invited 2 GaGas to come up and role-play the grandma and grandchild in the challenging situation. One involved a 2-year old having a tantrum, refusing to leave the playground, and throwing himself on the ground.

After they completed the scenario, Heidi asked each GaGa to describe how she felt in her role then she asked the audience for feedback. The role-playing grandma got praise for using firm, clear, gentle language with the child, for reassuring the onlookers that she was used to this behavior and not flustered by it, and that she got the child's attention by getting down on his level and saying "Look at me." They liked that she didn't lose her cool and respected the child's needs by saying "I know how hard it is for you to leave now."

In addition, some members suggested the grandma ask the child how he was feeling, and tell the child, "I love you and we're leaving. When we get in the car, we can talk about it."

American Academy of Pediatrics


Heidi concluded her presentation by sharing some guidelines for effective discipline based on the American Academy of Pediatrics:

Create a proper setting.
Use consistent rules in a safe environment; set boundaries that are age appropriate. If you can't remove knickknacks, provide some other age-appropriate substitutes. One GaGa gives her grandchildren baskets of rocks and shells at her house.

Model what you want to see.
Heidi says she comes down hard on "crimes against people" when hitting is involved. She asks the victim to tell her what she did when she got hit because she wants to teach how to say "no and stop." Adults should be curious but not reactive when trying to resolve conflicts and suggest how they could work things out.

Reward for doing what's right.
For older children a responsibility board using stars can be an effective reward system. For younger children immediate natural reinforcement is easier, e.g., say: "Take one bite of spinach, and then you can have dessert."

Give honest negative reinforcement when rules are violated.
Time outs only work when children are going to miss out on something or have time away from something desirable. It's better to take away a privilege. Time out in public can be challenging if it means you have to remove the child from the scene, as in the grocery store. She suggested you say: "I'm giving you a time out from me and I'm not going to talk to you for 2 minutes." A GaGa says: "It seems like something's bothering you--you must want to be by yourself."

Another strategy Heidi uses is over correction, e.g., if your grandchild is running around the swimming pool, say: "Let's practice walking around" to establish a new behavior pattern, instead of saying "don't run," or "You can pat the kitty and my hands will help your hands," rather than "don't smack her."

Avoid corporal punishment.
Spanking stops behavior but it doesn't teach. It's much better to teach alternative behaviors.

Takeaways
The "take aways" from our discussion are:

1. Don't be afraid to draw the line.
2. Notice if the child is hungry or tired.

3. In time-outs remove yourself and don't talk to the child.

4. Talk slowly and softly.

5. Acknowledge the child's feelings.


Of all the things that grandparents and parents argue about, discipline is a big one. When conflicts arise, it's important for everyone to talk about what's going on and be willing to compromise. Ultimately, we must follow the parents' rules when we're in their presence. Never openly disagree with your adult children's form of discipline or you'll undermine their effectiveness.

Discipline is primarily the parents' responsibility. But if your grandchild is in your care, then as the responsible adult, you should try to protect and teach the child what is right in a constructive manner.

The GaGa Zone

Please continue sending me pictures and stories of you with your grandchildren for the GaGa Zone.



GaGa Diane celebrated her birthday with 4 of her "Lucky 7" grandchildren.

LD and Cole


GaGa LD loves reading to her grandson, Cole.