2010 Calendar
Date Host Presenter Jan 10 Lisa Patty Wipfler Mar 7 Marilyn Victoria Zackheim May 2 Carol W Sharon Niederhaus Jul 11 Sep 19 Nov 7
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Hosts and Presenters Wanted
As you can see from our 2010 Calendar above, we need hosts and presenters for July 11, September 19, and November 7.
Do you have a topic related to grandparenting you'd like to share at one of our meetings? If you'd like to lead a discussion or know a speaker, please let me know. I'm open to your ideas.
Please continue sending me emails with fun activities you're doing so I can include them in this newsletter.
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March 7, 2010 Meeting
The Face in the Mirror
When you were young, who was the person you saw in
the mirror? What were your expectations and those of your family and community?
Now that you're a grandmother, how do you feel about the person you've become
and the direction your life has actually taken?
Our speaker, Victoria Zackheim, author and grandmother, wrote so eloquently in The Art of Grandparenting that I
contacted her to see if she would come and discuss her anthology, The Face in the Mirror. The writers in
this collection reflect on the dreams of their youth and the realities of age.
The inspirational stories tell of letting go of other people's expectations in
favor of their true selves.
The thread that runs through these stories is a
sense of completeness, of being whole. In many ways, this relates to the
importance of learning to live in our skin, of becoming comfortable with who we
are.
You might want to read The Face in the Mirror before our
meeting. You can purchase it from Victoria's website. She will not bring any
books for purchase.
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April 13, 2010 Private Tour of Filoli
Get your taxes done early and reward yourself with a
tour of the beautiful gardens at Filoli on April 13 at 10:30 am. We'll have our own private tour of the estate led by our docent GGS members Betty Z and
Judith. The cost is $15 or $12, if you're over 65.
After the tour, we'll gather in the cafe for lunch. I'll be taking reservations starting March 1. We'll either have one or two groups of twelve.
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May 2, 2010 Meeting
Our speaker for May 2 is Sharon Niederhaus, author of Together Again: A Creative Guide for Successful Multigenerational Living. Sharon will
discuss a dozen housing options featuring proximity with privacy (i.e.,
separate kitchen and entrance). She will also cover remodeling your
home for adult children and grandchildren, financial and legal planning,
and making co-habitation agreements.
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The Art of Grandparenting
The Art of Grandparenting is now available. In the chapter I wrote, How to Become a Go-To Grandma, I offer seven strategies for building lasting bonds with your grandchildren. The most important lesson I've learned as a grandma is that getting time with your grandchildren requires building trust and respect with their parents. Trust is the foundation for having access to your grandchildren.
The anthology, subtitled Loving, Spoiling, Teaching and Playing with Your Grandkids, includes 20 chapters by "new" and "seasoned" grandparent authors. To order the book, click here.
You can also purchase copies at our March 7 meeting.
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Greetings!
Last month a friend introduced me to Yeshi Neumann, a
grandmother, midwife, and workshop facilitator, who was offering an all-day workshop
titled "Conscious Grandmothering." The first line of the flier grabbed my
attention: Explore your full potential as
a grandmother. I knew instantly that I had to meet this woman and take her
workshop!
On February 7, I drove to Yeshi's Muir Beach home overlooking the ocean
and joined two-dozen other grandmas to understand what it means to be a
"conscious" grandmother. I was deeply touched by the incredible opportunities for
sharing and introspection. Yeshi is a highly skilled and organized facilitator
who has led hundreds of workshops about communication, women's leadership,
diversity, conflict resolution and family relationships. Listening to her
validated so much of what I've experienced in my role as a grandmother.
The program included opportunities to
meet each other, share stories about our own grandmothers, talk about the joys
and challenges we face, and create a rite of passage for becoming a
grandmother.
On the drive home I reflected on my excitement over meeting so many other grandmothers who want to explore what it means to be a grandmother today. This month's newsletter is a summary of what I learned.
In Sisterhood, |
Conscious Grandmothering
Yeshi began by explaining why she
created a day for grandmas---because there are a lot of us! Never in history
has there been a group like us---independent, educated, resourceful, tech savvy
and full of spunk! We're an incredible resource, not only to our own
grandchildren, but to other grandchildren as well.
Grandmothers today need to be
conscious---aware of the context in which we're grandmothers. There's no
template so we're making it up as we go along. We need to be awake to the
present moment, and deliberate in our intention of the way we grandmother and
parent. Yeshi's mission is to encourage grandmothers to take their place as
stewards of this planet.
Revival of Grandmothers' Wisdom For the first exercise of the morning
we divided into groups of six to introduce ourselves. As we sat in our small
groups, Yeshi told stories of how other countries revere their elders and
celebrate them as they age. For example, in Japan, when a grandma reaches 61,
she is given a party to celebrate her status.
In contrast, age discrimination is on
the rise in America, where contemporary grandmas are often relegated to the
sidelines. She emphasized her point by saying that we only institutionalize two
groups: criminals and old people. There's a mentality that says you can't teach
an old dog new tricks.
Another factor contributing to this
exclusion is a change in the family structure from the extended families of the
past to the nuclear family with long-distance grandparents. Yeshi explained
that we raised our daughters to be independent so when they have a problem,
they turn to the Internet, not us!
But Yeshi sees a revival of grandmother's wisdom being used in
communities to improve health. She cited "The Grandmother Project," started by
Judi Aubel, a California health specialist. Aubel recognized the power of
involving Senegalese grandmothers to help educate the young about their health
and wellness. Now these grandmothers are taking a stand against genital
mutilation of the young girls in their country.
"Grandmas have always been movers and shakers," explained Yeshi. As an
example she told us about the 7th International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers Gathering in Sedona, Arizona she attended last
December. The Grandmothers' mission is to represent a
global alliance of prayer, education and healing for Mother Earth, all Her
inhabitants, all the children, and for the next seven generations to come. They
believe the teachings of their ancestors will light their way through an
uncertain future. They develop projects that educate and nurture children. Yeshi quoted a Hopi prophecy: When the grandmothers speak, the earth will
be healed.
Having Our Say After a delicious potluck lunch, Yeshi returned, wearing a blue t-shirt she'd gotten from the Grandmothers
Council with the message: Listen to
Grandmother. We gathered in pairs to discuss the
joys and challenges we face as grandmas. When we returned to the large circle,
one pair told us they took opposite perspectives on whether to speak up when
they witnessed behavior that upset them. Yeshi believes that "the time for
walking on eggshells is over and we have to be willing to show ourselves."
She asked the grandmother who was willing to say
something to her son-in-law if she would try re-framing her concerns. Yeshi
used a four-step technique from Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent
Communication: A Language of Life.
Describe what you see or notice in a neutral objective way, for example, When I see you come rushing in to reprimand
Joey... - I feel... a feeling word, e.g., sad, upset, frightened. Do not say I feel "like" or I feel "that," which takes it out of feeling and into an opinion.
- because I... here you describe what is going on INSIDE YOU, that gives rise to the feeling you have. This is the place to really share your own experience, what you deeply care about, and why.
- Make a request: Would you be willing... make the
request very specific so the listener can really give you a yes, a yes with
certain conditions or no. The request can be as big as asking the person to
change a specific behavior or it could be as small as asking if the person
would be willing to tell you how they feel about what you have shared, or
respond to what you have shared.
She also recommended that if you're dealing with a
long-standing issue in a relationship, it would be good to preface these four
steps with:
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Finding out if the person would be willing to listen to
something that is on your mind and in your heart and asking if this is a good
time for the person to receive your communication
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Expressing an appreciation of something about the person
or their behavior.
Yeshi believes that when we
"keep our mouth shut, we are not passing on the wisdom that our grandchildren
need."
Future Workshops I found the day so inspiring I wanted to share with you the dates for
Yeshi's future workshops
March 20 -
Santa Cruz March 27 - San Francisco June
5 - Half Moon Bay June 6 - Half Moon Bay
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Informal GGS Meetings
After our January 10 meeting, I began to reminisce about our meetings in the early
years when we just had a free-flow discussion on a broad topic. I miss those early conversations and came up with a new idea: smaller informal meetings between our regularly scheduled program meetings.
I sent out an invitation to all of you who attend our meetings regularly. Eight of us gathered for our first potluck dinner meeting on February 16 at Carol Field's. It was great fun and the feedback was all positive. Susan T. wrote: "I just loved relaxing and talking with other GaGas last night. It is
amazing how much useful information can be shared while sipping coffee
and telling warm and funny stories."
We came up with some ideas for future topics and new ways to handle introductions at our regular meetings. I hope to do some more of these informal meetings in the future. If you'd like to host one of these informal meetings, please let me know.
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Mimi's Cafe Carrot Raisin Muffins
I brought these dark, chewy muffins to our February 16 meeting and everyone thought they were chocolate! Here's the recipe.
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 cup vegetable oil 1 cup + 2 tbs. sugar
3 eggs
1/4 cup molasses 1/2 tsp. vanilla 1 cup shredded carrots 1 cup raisins 3/4 cup chopped walnuts
Preheat oven to 350.
Combine flour, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. In another bowl, combine oil, sugar, eggs, molasses, and vanilla with an electric mixer. Add carrots and mix. Add raisins and walnuts and mix well by hand. Pour flour mixture into carrot mixture and stir until combined. Pour batter into muffin tins about 3/4 full and rest into 8" x 4" loaf pans. The muffins take about 40 minutes and the loaf pan about 50 - 60 minutes. They are quite dense and sometimes fall a bit in the middle.
Yield: 12 muffins + 1 loaf pan or 2 loaf pans
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GaGa Photo
At our February 16 meeting, our host Carol Field shared some recent photos of a tea party project she and her four-year old granddaughter, Ava created together. They got the idea from Princess Tea by Janeen Sarlin and Noelle Shipley. Here's a picture of their Crocodile Cucumber.
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