2010 Calendar
Date Host Presenter
Jan 10 Lisa Patty Wipfler
Mar 7 Marilyn Victoria Zackheim
May 1
Jul 11
Sep 19
Nov 7
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Hosts and Presenters Wanted
As you can see from our 2010 Calendar above, we need hosts and presenters for May 1, July 11, September 19, and November 7.
Do you have a topic related to grandparenting you'd like to share at one of our meetings? If you'd like to lead a discussion or know a speaker, please let me know. I'm open to your ideas.
Please continue sending me emails with fun activities you're doing so I can include them in this newsletter.
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March 7, 2010 Meeting
Growing Older With Our Grandchildren
Author and grandmother
Victoria Zackheim will be the speaker for our March 7 meeting. Victoria has written an anthology, The Face in the Mirror: Writers
Reflect on Their Dreams of Youth and the Reality of Age.
When you were young and
idealistic and you looked in the mirror, what were your expectations for your
future? What was expected of you by family and community? And now, years later,
how do you feel about that person looking back at you? Valerie asked 20 writers to answer these questions for her book. We'll discuss some of these issues at our meeting.
Valerie is also a contributor to The Art of Grandparenting.
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April 13, 2010
Private Tour of Filoli
Get your taxes done early and reward yourself with a
tour of the beautiful gardens at Filoli on April 13 at 10:30 am. We'll have our own private tour of the estate led by our docent GGS members Betty Z and
Judith. After the tour, we'll gather in the cafe for lunch. I'll be taking reservations starting March 1. We'll either have one or two groups of twelve. |
The Art of Grandparenting
The Art of Grandparenting is now available. In the chapter I wrote, How to Become a Go-To Grandma, I offer seven strategies for building lasting bonds with your grandchildren. The most important lesson I've learned as a grandma is that getting time with your grandchildren requires building trust and respect with their parents. Trust is the foundation for having access to your grandchildren.
The anthology, subtitled Loving, Spoiling, Teaching and Playing with Your Grandkids, includes 20 chapters by "new" and "seasoned" grandparent authors. To order the book, click here.
You can also purchase copies at our March 7 meeting.
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Greetings!
Our January 10 meeting was "stellar," according to one GaGa who attended. This meeting was presented by Patty Wipfler, who explained why our grandchildren's parents need our love and attention as much as our grandchildren do. She also shared some ways we can bond with them.
We set a new record for attendance - 25 grandmas, which included our gracious host, Lisa, 2 new members, and 6 guests. We also welcomed back Virginia, who fell and broke her hip last June. After our introductions, which always include the names and ages of our grandchildren, Patty noted how lucky our 70 grandchildren are to have us as their grandmothers.
What impressed me the most about Patty was her tremendous empathy for today's young parents. She has worked with thousands of families since 1989, teaching them strategies for building good communication skills. She also has close relationships with her two sons, her daughters-in-law and her three grandsons.
After years of teaching emotional skills to young parents, she now wants to move into grandparent territory, not only for the sake of our grandchildren but also for our adult children. Her key message is that we need to support our children in their role as parents. Judging from the feedback I got after our meeting, Patty's presentation was illuminating and beneficial.
In Sisterhood,  |
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Nurturing Relationships With Our Adult Children
Our January 10 meeting, "Nurturing Relationships With
Our Adult Children" was presented by Patty Wipfler, founder/director of Hand in
Hand. She believes that today's parents are up against "parent
suppression." Parenting is not honored as "work" and there's no
preparation or pay, yet the role demands our best. Parents often feel isolated
and guilty when things don't go well, and are confused by a variety of
different parenting philosophies.
Parents are in "go mode" all
the time and can't push the stop button to come up with new solutions. As a result, they often
become defensive and hypersensitive when they're exhausted. Parents want
to look like they have things "under control" so it's difficult for
them to tell us grandparents how insecure they may feel. If we offer to wash the dishes, they bristle and take it as
a personal insult. They feel we're judging them for not doing an adequate job.
Efforts and suggestions of help can feel like criticism. Sometimes it can be
challenging to break through the parents' tension that builds up over a normal
day.
Patty believes that nurturing the relationship with our adult children is
crucial. "Grandchildren are wonderful, and often become the light of our
lives. But our grown children still hope for our love, and haven't grown out of
the patterns set down in their early years."
"When we lavish all this love on our
grandchildren and their parents sit by watching, they wish that love would
shine on them, too. It's so much easier to shower our grandchildren with
affection and we need to do the same for their parents."
Patty says the most powerful tool we have for
connecting with our adult children is to listen with respect, honor their
intelligence and refrain from offering advice. When we simply listen, defenses
relax, our children feel safer, feelings come to the surface through crying or
laughter and some of the emotional tension evaporates. She suggests setting up
a "special time," just between you and your adult child. Ask
her what she'd like to do and then participate without judgment.
The real lesson here is that no matter how much fun
it is to play with our grandchildren, it's equally important to make time to
connect with their parents. If we can strengthen that primary relationship and
work out the inevitable kinks that come up between our adult children and us,
we'll be guaranteed a better time with our grandchildren and children.
The
Grandparent Advantage
After hearing Patty speak, I'm even more
excited about taking her new series, The
Grandparent Advantage that begins February 1. Last week I listened to one
of Patty's teleseminars on Connected Grandparent Relationships. She covered
some of the same material she spoke about at our January 10 meeting so it
reinforced what I learned.
Here are some highlights from the
teleseminar that will be covered in The Grandparent Advantage:
Remember to express appreciation to the parents of your
grandchildren.
Create a "special time" with your adult children just as
you do with your grandchildren.
Listen without judgment and don't be a problem solver.
Find another grandparent to share your feelings.
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Hand in Hand Offers New Grandparent Class
Hand in Hand, a non-profit organization in Palo Alto that teaches parenting skills, is launching a new class on February 1, 2010 called The Grandparent Advantage.
The six-week series will improve our ability to understand our
grandchild, read his behavior, predict difficult moments, and respond with
essential tools that build connection in families. Researchers have called
these skills the "super-protective factor" that leads to positive
adolescent outcomes and happy productive lives for children.
Patty Wipfler, the founder/director, will teach the course. We'll examine our relationship with our grandchild's parents, as well as learn how
to sculpt the grandparenting relationship we're building with our grandchild. Class will be interactive and
help us connect with other caring grandparents. Grandparents,
step-grandparents, and others with a "grandparent-ly" role in
children's lives are welcome.
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S'mores Bar Recipe
Everyone raved over Carol Field's delicious S'mores Bars that she brought to our meeting. Here's her recipe.
1 (1 lb) box honey
graham crackers
2-1/4 cubes unsalted butter
1 cup brown sugar
½ tsp salt (scant)
8 oz pkg miniature marshmallows
12 oz pkg semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375.
If you're making this with kids, let them crush the graham
crackers in a Ziploc plastic bag with a rolling pin. Then place in a bowl and
add brown sugar, salt and melted butter until thoroughly mixed. If not, it's
faster doing this in a Cuisinart.
Firmly pat 2/3 of the graham mixture into the
bottom of a greased 9x13 pan and bake for about 8 minutes to solidify. Remove
from oven. (May be cooled and completed later.) Evenly cover crust with
marshmallows and then chocolate chips. Top with remaining graham mixture and
bake another 10 - 15 minutes until the marshmallows and chocolate are gooey.
Yield: 24 -
30
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