2010 Calendar
Date Host Presenter
Jan 10 Lisa Patty Wipfler
Mar 7 Marilyn Victoria Z.
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January 10, 2010 Meeting
Relationships with Our Adult Children
Our January 10 meeting will be hosted by Lisa in San Jose. Patty Wipfler, the founder and director of Hand in Hand, will explain "how to keep our relationships with our adult children in focus when our grandchildren are so darned loveable."
Grandchildren are
wonderful, and often become the light of our lives. But our grown children
still hope for our love, and haven't grown out of the patterns set down in
their early years.
How do we keep our relationships with our grown children
from growing stagnant? How do we deal with our feelings about their choices,
their parenting, the hardships in their lives?
This presentation will offer us two
tools for freshening things up in our own thinking, and in our relationship
with our child.
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April 13, 2010
GGS Tour of Filoli
Get your taxes done early and reward yourself with a
tour of the beautiful gardens at Filoli on April 13 at 10:30 am. We'll have our own private tour of the estate led by our docent GGS members Betty Z and
Judith. After the tour, we'll gather in the cafe for lunch. I'll be taking reservations starting March 1. We'll either have one or two groups of twelve.
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The Art of Grandparenting
The Art of Grandparenting is now available. In the chapter I wrote, How to Become a Go-To Grandma, I offer seven strategies for building lasting bonds with your grandchildren. The most important lesson I've learned as a grandma is that getting time with your grandchildren requires building trust and respect with their parents. Trust is the foundation for having access to your grandchildren.
The anthology, subtitled Loving, Spoiling, Teaching and Playing with Your Grandkids, includes 20 chapters by "new" and "seasoned" grandparent authors. To order the book, click here.
You can purchase copies at our January 10 meeting.
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Guest Writers Wanted
Do you have a topic related to grandparenting you'd like to write about? If so, let me know and you can write a post for my blog. One of our GaGas, Jan, wrote a post about turning 60.
Please continue sending me emails with fun activities you're doing so I can include them in this newsletter.
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Greetings!
November is my favorite month. I met my husband in November of 1967 and his birthday is November 18. Last week I surprised him and took him on an overnight to Half Moon Bay. November is also the month when gratitude is on our minds as we celebrate Thanksgiving.
I've been hosting our family Thanksgiving celebrations for over three decades. I'm always looking for new touches to add to our dinner. In 1999 I found a creative way to have everyone say something they were grateful for.
My husband cut maple leaves from yellow, brown, and orange
construction paper. I put one at each person's place at the table. Before dinner I
asked everyone to write something they were grateful for on the leaf.
Then I collected all the leaves in a basket and put them away until we
were finished with dinner. After the dishes were cleared, I brought out
the basket and let everyone pick one leaf---not their own---to read out
loud. We had so much fun laughing and trying to guess who wrote which
leaf.
As we get ready to celebrate another Thanksgiving, I want to tell each one of you how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. I'm grateful to those of you who've opened your homes and hosted a meeting; to those who've shared your passion with us for our meeting discussions; and for those who've brought delicious treats to share.
I wish you much joy as you celebrate with your
family and friends. We are so blessed to be able to witness the holidays through
our grandchildren's eyes. Savor these precious days and look for opportunities
to engage with your grandchildren in creative new ways. You'll find some inspiration
from Susan Borkin, who shared "10 Non-rules for Creative Grandmas" at our
November 1 meeting.
In Sisterhood, 
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Two-dozen GaGas gathered in Janet's lovely home for
our November 1 meeting. To honor Dia de los Muertos Janet created a beautiful ofrenda
that included a photo of one grandfather next to his favorite fishing cap, and
another grandfather beside a royal flush poker hand and a small bottle of
whiskey. Ofrenda, Spanish for "offering," is a home altar decorated
for the Day of the Dead celebration to honor and please the returning souls. Her
ofrenda, which was also decorated with masks and dolls she brought back from
Guadalajara, provided a wonderful focal point for our circle.
GaGa Susan Borkin treated us to a clever and often-hilarious
presentation she called 10 Non-Rules for Creative Grandmas. After handing out
goody bags and telling us not to peek at the contents, she said that it's possible to generate
creative energy just by sitting next to someone. And she proved it! For the
next hour, she inspired us to share some of the creative ways we connect with
our grandchildren!
Susan began by donning a pointed red velvet Merlin
hat, waving her magic wand, and announcing that creativity takes courage. After
the laughter died down, she explained that in October she used these props in a
workshop entitled "Me, Myself & I:
Self-Dialogue as Healer" for the Wellness &
Writing Connections Conference in Atlanta, Georgia.
"We often think that creative people are famous,"
Susan continued, "but we're all creative. If we think of creativity as a way of
living, we can find opportunities to express it in our everyday lives."
Susan provided a handout with ten elements of
creativity that form the acronym: CREATIVITY. For each quality she produced an
item from the goody bag to illustrate her point.
Courage
She asked the group to share some of their courageous
creative ideas.
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Barbara said she makes up songs for her two
grandchildren and improvises as she goes.
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Berna explained that she teaches values to her
grandchildren by telling stories. She recently told her grandson about the
first time she ever told a lie to help him understand the importance of telling
the truth.
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Susan shared another silly story about engaging her
twin grandsons in sorting laundry by putting a pair of underpants on her head!
Resiliency
"If one idea doesn't fly," said Susan, "then move on
to the next."
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Susan shared a story about not being able to
celebrate a favorite holiday with her grandsons, and explained that she had to
tell herself to "just get over it."
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Yvonne said she was able to laugh when her granddaughter
touched her face and said: "You have such cute crinkles!"
Energetic
Sometimes you have to present your ideas cleverly and
with lots of enthusiastic energy---as if it's the coolest idea you ever came up
with.
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Susan then used her most engaging voice to
demonstrate how she asks her grandsons: Who wants to help grandma with the
laundry?
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Heidi said you also need lots of energy when you have
to fly across the country to visit your grandchildren.
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Carol T said she gets her energy from the excitement
of seeing her granddaughter. She plays beauty parlor to make a game out of
combing her hair.
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Jean has been reading to her three-year old grandson since
he was an infant. During a recent visit with Max, she began feeling very
sleepy. Her grandson switched roles and told her the story of "The Three Pigs."
Jean got such a kick out of his interpretation that she got re-energized.
Attitude
By positively reframing the way we say things we can
ensure a good time, says Susan. She recalled a three-year old once encouraging
her to do a somersault. The little girl told her: "Just try your best!"
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Beverly said that having a positive attitude and more
life experience helps us have more patience when we're helping our
grandchildren with their homework. Her ten-year old granddaughter observed
Beverly doing math with her younger sister and told Bev: "You two work really
well together!"
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Judy confessed that even though she was a teacher,
she couldn't work with her own children when they were growing up. She was
always in a hurry and distracted by projects she had to do. "Now I go to my granddaughter's
home to babysit. I avoid the distractions of my house and I'm able to give her
my total attention."
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Susan T, who has four granddaughters, makes a point
of "pouring on the attention to four-year old Zoe, who often gets lost in the
shuffle."
Transformative
Susan explained that living in the moment is a
creative act and when we're truly present, we can let experiences transform us.
She told us that baking and making soup are two of her favorite transformative
activities.
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Yvonne was transformed by a comment her four-year old
granddaughter once made when they were playing together. Yvonne complained that
she was feeling sleepy and her granddaughter said: "You have the rest of your
life to sleep!" She's never forgotten that and reminds herself of that comment
whenever they're together.
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Heidi once sat in a rocker holding her one-year old
grandson and "became one with his breathing as she totally immersed herself in
the experience." When we allow ourselves to follow our grandchildren's lead, we
can experience that feeling of being in "the here and now."
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Bev took a stand for another perspective: "not
everyone is charmed by people who are always on. Sometimes you need to make
space by turning off and not imposing your energy."
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Heidi agreed that being on can sometimes get you in
trouble with your children.
Improvise
Changing the words to a song and personalizing it can
be a fun way to improvise.
- Janet stood up and with swaying hips, performed a
song she sings to 20-month old Quincy to get her to eat: "Bananas, bananas,
bananas are very good to eat!" (sung to the tune of "Manana.")
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Carol F created a ski jump for her grandson's racing
cars by clamping tubing to the top of his bunk bed. They had two hours of fun
from her improvisation.
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Carol T put on a magic show for her granddaughter
using tinker toys for a microphone and other props. "We can take cues from our
grandchildren."
Variety
To illustrate that we need to use variety with our
grandchildren, Susan told us how she got her grandsons to eat strawberries. She
took them to a berry farm and let them pick organic strawberries. They were
engaged and having fun and after tasting them, decided they liked them.
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Judith has a rule at her house. Her grandchildren,
who tend to be picky eaters, must take at least one taste of everything on
their plates. She makes a fun game out of it by cutting tiny pieces of each food
and placing them in a circle. Once they eat their way around the circle of "tastes,"
and finish all the bites (including peas cut in half), they can eat a tiny
piece of dessert on another plate.
Innovative
Always on the lookout for creative ways to engage her
grandsons, Susan asked them to look at an abstract painting hanging in her
living room and tell her what they saw. When her granddaughter was born nine
years ago, she created a book of pictures and stories for her called "Letters
to Thea." Sometimes when they talk on the phone, she reads one of the letters
to her. Now she and her granddaughter use Skype to connect on a regular basis.
Transitory
Creative ideas come to us but they don't last
forever. Sometimes they outgrow their use as our grandchildren grow up. As an
example, Susan used to sing a bedtime song to her grandsons, "Good night, sweet
boys." Recently, they told her "we're too old for that song now, grandma."
Yours
Susan closed by encouraging us to come up with our
own creative ideas and jot them in the little notebook she enclosed in our
goody bags. "Good teachers borrow," she said, "but great teachers steal!"
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Book Signing at Atherton Library
On December 4th from 9 to 10 am I'll be giving a presentation at the Atherton Public Library titled: Be a Go-to Grandparent, Whether You're Near or Far. I'll share three strategies for building lifelong meaningful relationships with your children and grandchildren, based on my chapter in The Art of Grandparenting. It's free and open to the public. I'd love to see you there. Please share this information with any local grandmas you know.
Atherton Library
2 Dinkelspiel Station
Atherton, CA
650.328.2422
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Out and About With the GaGa Sisterhood
During the past few weeks I've been busy spreading the GaGa gospel and people have been listening!
- November 20: Article published in j. weekly about GGS
- November 21: My presentation to grandparents at Temple Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, CA
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Hand in Hand Offers New Grandparent Class
In October, six of our members participated in a focus group led by Patty Wipfler, the founder and director of Hand in Hand. She wanted our input for a new class they're launching on February 1, 2010 called "The Grandparent Advantage."
As grandparents, we have a complex role to play.
This class will give us unique and effective tools for building our
grandchildren's confidence, letting them feel our love, and handling their
emotional moments. It will also help us to be more skillful at supporting our
children, and tending to our own needs.
The Grandparent Advantage will improve our ability to understand our
grandchild, read his behavior, predict difficult moments, and respond with
essential tools that build connection in families. Researchers have called
these skills the "super-protective factor" that leads to positive
adolescent outcomes and happy productive lives for children.
We'll examine our relationship with our grandchild's parents, as well as learn how
to sculpt the grandparenting relationship we're building with our grandchild. Class will be interactive and
help us connect with other caring grandparents. Grandparents,
step-grandparents, and others with a "grandparent-ly" role in
children's lives are welcome.
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