September 2008 GaGazine: Sharing Our Family Stories

On September 14, twelve "wisdom keepers" sat in a circle around a makeshift "campfire," (my coffee table) and shared stories about their grandmothers. Our presenter, GaGa Jan, explained that this is the way we learn about our families and as grandmothers, we play a vital role in passing down these stories to the next generation.

Jan's Story
Jan said she came to this role with some regret. She was a young mom with two small children when her Italian immigrant grandmother passed away. She realized she didn't know anything about her grandma and was inspired to start collecting stories of her parents for her children and grandchildren.

Not wasting any time, she found a book called "Grandpa Tell Me Your Memories." There's one for grandmas, too. She bought four copies and gave them to her parents and in-laws at Thanksgiving. She asked them to answer the 365 questions in time for Christmas. Now she laughs at what an unreasonable request that would be today. But they obliged and years later she still has her father-in-law's responses. She gave the others to her son and daughter. The books are 4"x 6" spiral-bound pages with short, memory-stirring questions for every day of the year, and are available in Hallmark stores or on Amazon.

Getting Started
So how do you get started gathering and writing family stories? Jan reminded us that as moms we probably all kept baby books for our children and that was our early training for our present role as "wisdom keepers."

Start small, she advised. Don't get overwhelmed by thinking you have to tell the "whole" story. Begin with one memory and write it down. That will lead to others. As an example, she shared a story about a Thanksgiving celebration when her children were 16 and 14. The family gathered at Jan's parents for dinner, despite her mom's frail condition from recent heart surgery. Jan felt sad for her children to have to spend their holiday in such a dreary setting.

The next day, as she was cleaning up her 16-year old son's room, she found a crumpled sheet of paper on the floor and opened it. To her amazement she discovered a poignant story Josh had written about the wonderful memories of visits to his grandparents. He described their well-stocked candy cabinet, the basement where he played among all the tools, gadgets and typewriter, and the sleepovers when he shared a bed with his grandpa.

That crumpled reminiscence Jan rescued from the floor became the first entry in her "Memorabilia" folder. She also made a framed copy of Josh's story as a Christmas gift for her parents. Jan encouraged us all to start keeping a similar folder for those treasures from our grandchildren or children. They can be just the trick to jog our memory when we want to start writing a story.

Resources
Jan shared some online resources her cousins have used to compile their family story collections. One cousin writes a blog titled "My Incoherent Ramblings" on livejournal. A nephew and niece wrote about their journey to Kazakhstan to adopt a baby, which they composed on ourstory. A young friend who was diagnosed with a brain tumor told her story on caringbridge and received 24,000 signatures on her guestbook.

If you'd rather tell your stories in pictures, there is a wealth of resources to help you. Jan brought two photo albums that she created for her granddaughter's trip to Disneyland and her father's 90th birthday using iPhoto on her Mac. Some other services for creating polished books of photos are KodakGallery, Shutterfly, and RitzCamera.

With today's technology there is no excuse for letting your precious stories go untold. There are a multitude of resources and methods for saving memories. Jan especially appreciates her Memorabilia folder on those days when she needs a little lift. "It's so much fun to pull out a memory and smile as the feelings wash over me."

Genealogy and Family Trees
Jan mentioned that her family created a family tree using the website: Geni, billed as a "private place for your family to build your family tree, preserve your history and share your lives." After our meeting, I mentioned it to my husband, who enjoys genealogy and has used Reunion software to create our family tree. He researched Geni and created our online family tree. In just the past month he has invited both sides of our family to join. We now have relatives from all over the country contributing to the tree and sharing news of themselves and their families.

A great way to uncover clues to your family stories or get great quotes for journaling in a heritage scrapbook is a family interview. By asking the right, open-ended questions, you can collect a wealth of family tales. Check out OralHistory for a list of family history interview questions to help you get started. The website also offers tips on how to interview a relative.

I have enjoyed using The Autobiography Box: A Step-by-Step Kit for Examining the Life Worth Living by Brian Bouldrey to help me collect some of my mom's stories. The box contains a book with questions about your family and early history and two decks of cards with thought-provoking questions to help capture more memories.

Another book in my library is The Everything Family Tree Book: Finding, Charting, and Preserving Your Family History by William G. Hartley. This book is filled with steps for researching family history, methods for preserving and sharing it and even some fun family heritage activities. There are two appendices with "memory stimulators" for eliciting stories and genealogy organizations.

So, take Jan's advice and just get started. Your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will thank you and you'll create some wonderful family connections in the process.