Lessons from the Dog Whisperer.
I am a huge fan of Caesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer. Not just because I am a dog lover but also because his brand of psychology is so powerful and adaptable to humans. He actually says, I train humans, I rehabilitate dogs. I also love his 'rags to riches' story and his total belief in himself.
He truly focuses on energy - whenever a dog is "bad" or misbehaves it is almost always the result of the energy the human is putting out and he proves this over and over. His favourite energy words are "calm assertive" and this works wonders for all parties. Dogs mirror their owners.
He stresses that you do not 'reward' bad behaviour by giving the dog a hug or patting him. It is about setting rules, boundaries and limitations. Then you give and show love, but only after you gain respect. Many of us treat dogs like humans and they're not. They need to be guided and a dog owner needs to be the pack leader. That is when we gain respect and the behaviour changes dramatically. A disciplined dog is happy.
This got me seriously thinking about how we, as humans act in different types of relationships. Where are we not creating rules, boundaries and limitations? And because of that how often are we treated badly or misunderstood?
A husband or boyfriend who doesn't show up, or shows up late and is then given a big hug because we are just so pleased they showed up at all. A boss or colleague who doesn't give us the recognition we deserve even though we have never told them we want recognition. Children who misbehave and then are given treats because the parent hasn't got the patience to persevere with the discipline.
There are many areas of our lives where we allow 'bad' behaviour to thrive and wonder why there is a lack of respect. This eventually builds up resentment and gets our "heckles" up when all we had to do was set our rules, boundaries and limitations at the beginning of the relationship.
Take some time this month to think about some areas in your own life. Think about the people and habits you have created around those relationships and if there is anything you need to change to get the respect and love you deserve. It may take a bit longer than if you had done this at the beginning but it is never too late to start. It goes both ways of course. You may even show someone this newsletter article if you think it might help.
To help you get started this is a great and simple formula.
The Formula is to use these four words in this order ...
"When you _______________, I feel __________________."
· Example of what to say:
"When you don't show me appreciation ... I feel hurt." (Note: that's it, no need to justify)
You are reclaiming your power and taking responsibility for your feelings by saying "I feel" rather than "You make me feel..."
You are also talking about the behavior - the not showing appreciation - rather than condemning the person.
· Example of what not to say:
"You are a moron and ... you make me angry.. lol you wouldn't would you?
I would also like to give you a FREE download that will help you become assertive without alienating your partner. Click here for Instant Download. (right click and "save as")
We are half-way through 2011 so there is no time like the present to look forward and see where you would like to be, what you would like to achieve and how you can contribute before year's end. Up and 'at em! and remember my favourite strategy ..It's the little things, done consistently that bring the biggest results.
I'd like to add something extra that I learned in my NLP course. A belief in NLP is "You are in charge of your mind, therefore your results" ....not many of us take full advantage of that fact. Take a moment and breathe that in, then imagine the possibilities.
