An E-Newsletter of Profitable Advice about Writing
To Increase Your Personal and Professional Success
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| July 2010
Volume III, Issue 7
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The Fine Line Between Good and Bad
What distinguishes good writing from not-so-good? We'll talk about that this month. Also in this issue of The Write Stuff, you'll get to take my famous grammar quiz and read an interesting question submitted by a reader. Enjoy reading about writing!
Michael J. Dowling
Professional Writer, Ghostwriter, Editor & Publisher |
The Fine Line Between Good and Bad
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Recently I had the distinct pleasure of listening to the
marvelous singing of opera soprano Laura Knoop Very, and later chatting with her.
A member of faculty at Carnegie Melon University
in Pittsburgh, she has starred in productions with
opera companies in New York City, Pittsburgh, Washington, Houston, and elsewhere.
Laura (she's a relative on my wife's side of the family, so
I'll take the liberty of using her first name) made two comments in our
conversation that I've thought about several times since.
First, she said that singing opera is hard on the vocal chords because it's essentially controlled screaming without a microphone. That was certainly an interesting observation!
Second, Laura said that there's a fine line between good art
and bad. Often one can best discern the difference by placing two artistic
works (or performers) side by side.
That prompted me to
think about sidewalk art shows.
My wife, Sarah, is an artist who occasionally sells her
watercolor, pastel, and oil paintings in weekend art shows. Frankly, much of the art at these shows is not very good, but people buy it anyway. So I can't help but conclude that the majority of the general public can't distinguish good art from bad.
Good art is not simply a matter of taste. It's also a function of technique. The best paintings, music, writing, and other forms of art conform to certain enduring
principles peculiar to that genre.
For example, take a look at the painting below by American artist
Winslow Homer. Observe how the color of the sand makes the figures pop, and how
the composition of the painting causes your eyes to move pleasingly from the
three people, across the hill in the background to the dog, and back again to
the three people.
Eagle's Rock, Manchester, Massachusetts, by Winslow Homer
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, NY
Now see what happens when the dog is removed. (My wife
performed this feat of magic using Adobe Photoshop.)
The painting instantly
becomes static. Either your eyes tend to remain fixated on the three people, or they drift toward the bottom left corner of the painting so strongly that it takes some effort to pull them back. In this instance, the fine line between
good art and bad is nothing more than a puppy.
With writing, there's
also a fine line between good and bad.
To illustrate, consider the following two versions of a
passage from The Great Fire, an
award-winning book by Shirley Hazzard. The second version is authentic; it
actually comes from Hazzard's book.
However, the first version immediately below is "fraudulent." Although
it captures Hazzard's thoughts, it wasn't written by Hazzard.
As the launch was cast off, it rocked
on the swift sea in the rising breeze and salty spray. Overhead, stars could be
seen above columns of clouds. As they drew away from the dock, the lights of
the harbour and town faded from view.
That's not terrible writing, but read the sentence below to see how much better Hazzard
exressed those same thoughts:
They were cast off, rocking on a swift
sea, breeze rising and salt spray; a night sky starry above marching columns of
clouds. The harbour lights drew away, and dim lights of the town.
I love the way she talks about the harbour lights drawing
away. Isn't that exactly how we experience being cast off in a boat: the things
on shore seem to be moving away from us, instead of the other way around?
Do
you see how placing two pieces of art side by side helps to distinguish between
the good and the not-so-good?
Here's a second illustration
from another book. Again, the "fraudulent" version is first:
Everyone in the world knows that
an unmarried rich man needs a wife.
That's how an average writer might have composed it. Now, here's
how Jane Austin actually expressed that idea in the opening sentence of Pride and Prejudice:
It is a truth universally acknowledged
that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Wow, what a difference good writing makes!
So, how do you learn to recognize good writing?
One way is to be aware of your reactions as you read, just
as you were aware of your eye movements as you looked at Winslow Homer's
painting. Notice how different authors express ideas.
Second, learn the rules of good writing. Read books about writing and grammar, such as Elements of Style, Woe Is I, and Eats, Shoots & Leaves. All of these are enjoyable reads.
Third, keep reading this newsletter!
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Mike's Famous Grammar Quiz
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The following sentence comes from a story about baseball pitching sensation Stephen Strasburg that appeared in the sports section
of USA Today on June 14, 2010. What's
wrong with this sentence and how would you rewrite it?
The control problems didn't surface until the fourth inning, and by then he had five strikeouts, giving him 19 before yielding his first career walk - the second most for any pitcher since 1900, according to Elias Sports Bureau.
(See answer below)
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Our Readers Are Writing!
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This month we received the following e-mail from Diane Brown of Alexandria, Virginia:
Mike,
In your last newsletter you wrote the following:
To
illustrate how even a small amount of editing can mDiane
Brown  | ake a big difference,
consider the following sentence from an actual book manuscript I
was asked to edit:
Shouldn't you have introduced the subordinate
clause with the word "that," so the sentence would have read as follows:
To
illustrate how even a small amount of editing can make a big difference,
consider the following sentence from an actual book manuscript that I
was asked to edit:
Diane, that's a great question that you asked about "that." Here's what Patricia O'Conner has to say in Woe Is I, The Grammarphobe's Guide to Better English in Plain English.
There are two kinds of editors. One kind sticks in that wherever it will fit. The other takes it out.
They're both wrong.
Many verbs (think, say, hope, believe, find, feel, and wish are examples) sometimes sound smoother - to my ears, at least - when they're followed by that: Carmela believed (that) Tony was unfaithful. You may agree that the sentence sounds better with that, or you may not. It's purely a matter of taste.
Some writers and editors believe that if that can logically follow a verb, it should be there. Others believe that if that can logically be omitted, it should be taken out. If you like it, use it. If you don't, don't.
O'Conner goes on to give some helpful examples, but I hope this is sufficient to answer your question. Thanks for writing, Diane.
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You May Find These White Papers Helpful.
(They're free, but don't let the price fool you!)
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| Answer to Grammar Quiz
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| The sentence has a misplaced modifier. It reads as if
Strasburg had the second most walks for any pitcher since 1900, when the writer
means to say that he had the second most strikeouts.
The sentence would have
been better written as follows:
The control problems didn't surface
until the fourth inning, when he yielded his first career walk, and by then he
had five strikeouts, bringing his total to 19 - the second most for any pitcher
since 1900 according to Elian Sports Bureau.
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Michael J Dowling ~ Writer ~ Editor ~ Ghostwriter ~ Publisher
133 Worthing Road, St. Simons Island, GA 31522
Phone: 912.230.5051 Fax: 912.634.5777
E-mail: MJD@MichaelJDowling.com Website: www.MichaelJDowling.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/michaeljdowling
Clear, concise, creative, and convincing writing and editing to enable individuals and organizations
to accomplish their goals and increase their visibility, credibility, and profitability.
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