Thirty years ago I spoke French quite well. These days I've lost my proficiency and only recognize a few random French words. My plan to relearn French prior to my trip to Paris, didn't pan out. At the rate I was going, I'd have to postpone my trip until the year 2035. Paris was beckoning, so I decided to change my plan and go to Paris NOW, without the benefit of fluency.
My head was filled with "The Legend of Parisian Arrogance" - if you don't speak French then you are treated discourteously, like the ignorant peasant you are. Even though many Parisians speak some English, they won't "lower" their standards to accommodate you. Many Americans seem eager to believe that the only reason Parisians would be rude to us is because we don't speak their language, and they don't consider the possibility that there is more to the story, such as:
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They are busy and have a very fast-paced life
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We are rude to them first
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We act like they are defective because they aren't speaking English
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We are indignant because we can't select the specific type of cheese to have in our omelet
I decided to ignore the negative propaganda about Paris and instead rely on my core belief that when you are nice to others, they reciprocate. This belief has been validated by my own experiences, and those of clients, associates, and friends. A major aspect of my trip was conducting an experiment to test this belief in a bustling foreign city.
While in Paris, I used a helpful tool I call SHARP. SHARP focuses on crucial aspects of demeanor and courtesy that verbally and nonverbally communicate to others that you respect them and appreciate their input (friendliness, information, assistance, etc.):
- Smile - have an appropriately pleasant expression that conveys openness and receptivity
- Humility - acknowledge that while you are very bright, you may not know everything
- Attitude & Adaptability - commit to maintaining an optimistic outlook, and adapting to dynamic situations
- Respect - honor their contributions to the world, and respect their customs and practices while in "their house"
- Phrases - Use key "courtesy" phrases. In Paris, I relied on seven key phrases:
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S'il vous plait (please)
- Merci beaucoup (thank you)
- Bonne journée (good day)
- Bonsoir (good evening)
- Pardonnez-moi / Excusez-moi (pardon / excuse me)
- Je ne parle pas Français (I don't speak French)
- Aidez-moi (help me)
I examined the reception and responses I received during various types of interactions, including:
- Traveling around town
- Interfacing with hotel staff
- Sight-seeing
- Dining
My thesis proved to be correct for Paris. Most people were helpful, and some were quite charming.
For example, in the dining experience, during busy periods in typical bistros and cafes the waiters were nice, but they were a little brusque (pardon my French) and definitely not "chatty." They seemed to have a substantial span of control and were covering a lot of tables. In some cases they were practically running to service all of their tables. During non busy periods, most of them were very engaging.
In the 5 star or high end restaurants the waitstaff's pace was more measured. Their span of control was much smaller as there were multiple people waiting on each table. They had time to engage and build rapport.
In all areas of interaction, I only encountered one rude person - she was insufferable. I didn't attribute it to her being French. I assumed she was suffering from PDD (Personality Deficit Disorder). Note to us: we have this "disorder" in America too.
This is just the first part of my global experiment. I'll keep you posted as I expand my scope. There may be some unexpected lessons to be learned.
Bonita's Leadership Letter
