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Lights On!
The "Illuminator"
June, 2010 - Vol 10, Issue 2
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Lights On! is all about Path-finding! It is about helping individuals find the personal and professional paths each has been seeking. It is also about teams, groups and organizations working together with clarity, coherence and respect. Lights On!...Especially for Women: Coaching, Consulting, Facilitation, Presentations, Retreats.

Claire Pic Niagara Falls
The calendar page turned over to the month of June, and with that transition came another birthday. For me, it is another special life-date, and the celebration of another year. I'm reminded of Sophie Tucker's old adage about the secret to long life: Keep Breathing!

I'm a Gemini. Perhaps that's the reason that I'm so keen to notice the dualities of this life: hot/cold, positive/negative, strong/gentle, courage/cowardice, kind/mean, forward/back, yes/no, sickness/health. I don't notice these dualities fleetingly, but rather, hold them as the basic construct of the hugely dynamic world around us. Dualities are everywhere; our world is one of "constant choice" (we each choose in every moment of every day). We each choose where, what, and how we will be.


My view is that there is a wide range of choice within each of these dualities-all the time. It is like a sliding scale. Imagine that you are a stick---a stick containing all the dualities of life and a stick on which you move up and down the scale--all the time--depending on where and how you choose to be in any given moment. And, as life moves on, you tend to find various set points along the way that seem to work for you. You might be very comfortable in an optimist setting (as opposed to pessimist); or you might be shy (as opposed to bold). While the set-points become grooves because of repeated choices, we each still have "free choice" to move anyplace along the scale, at any time. Our choices, of course, reflect our growing knowledge base, beliefs, values, life experiences, maturity and personal /professional development.

My coaching brings me in touch with many women in the workplace who are hugely frustrated with behaviors they bump up against on a daily basis. The teaching of the dualities of life is this: Everyone has their own stick----their own choice of where they will be at any given moment. And while you may influence that other person on where they move on their stick, you cannot control that other's choice, nor can you make them do differently. So if another person is mean-spirited (vs. kind), or deceptive (vs. straightforward), or continually puts someone down (vs. lifting one up), they are choosing their point on that duality scale at that moment in time. You may try to persuade that person to think or act differently, but in the end, it still is their choice on how they will be. (It is about them, not about you).


And the lesson is: The only thing you can do is to choose your own response. Will you remain a "class act"? Fully professional? Or, drop down in the mud? Will you stand up or whither? Will you be courageous or cowardly or somewhere in between? Will you be kind or snarly? Will you back-bite or be conciliatory? Will you move on or begrudge? Will you help or hinder? Will you be positive or negative? What will your response be on the sliding scale of how you choose to be? It is solely your choice. Life is renewing and the dualities of choice are there for us every day. (And yes, every new birthday gives me another chance to improve my set-points!)

The Serenity Prayer really does fit here: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

But I must add this: Accepting things one cannot change does NOT mean "condoning" those things. It means accepting that some things are not yours to change, and are not your battle to fight; not yours to control, nor should you put any energy into them. But rather, to put your focus, energy and attention elsewhere---on the important things where you can make a difference---with your own stick.

We do our best to make the world better in every moment by choosing our responses wisely---by being shining examples of how we want the world to be. (Be the change you wish to see in the world!...Mahatma Gandhi) Lights On!
Stress can be a positive force, and eustress (from the Greek, meaning good) represents things that add to the enjoyment and satisfaction of being alive. Intuitively, we are aware of things that bring a sense of eustress and crave them in our lives. The key to stress management is to remind yourself of the importance of balancing eustress and distress. Think of a balance scale.

When you deliberately add to the eustress side of your stress balance scale, you'll discover some of your personal passions. Those things that bring you back into balance will be the things that you truly enjoy doing. You'll discover that your eustress is elicited by those activities that bring you joy, ease and perhaps excitement, a true sense of lightness--the very things that lift you up and make you smile. The distress side of the scale is driven by fear, anger, discontent, unease and a clear sense of heaviness--all of which are characterized by complaining. Can you relate?
* Lights On! website has been revised. Check out the video-clip excerpts of a focused Lights On! workshop. Newsletters are now archived too.

* Claire Knowles is now a feature writer for Western New York Women . com (www.wnywomen.com). Please check out the featured articles. Just click on Quick Links on the left margin of this newsletter. There are three new articles for you!

* Interested in a Lights On! brochure? Email contact and mailing information. Thanks!

At times our own light goes out and we are renewed by a spark from another.

Here's to turning your lights on!
Claire Knowles
Lights On! and Lights On! Workshop

email: info@lightsonworkshop.com info@lightsonworkshop.com
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