So with myself as a prime example, why do
we spend
so much of our time either
fretting over the past or worrying about the future
and therefore completely losing the present moment?
Feeling guilty, disappointed, frustrated, worried
and/or fearful masks our experience of being right
here, right now.
There is an extremely useful model that I came
across a few years ago in Stephen Covey's book
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People",
which I refer to in my coaching at least once a week,
almost without fail. The model is called the Circle of
Concern / Circle of Influence.
To use the model, you make a list of everything that
is currently on your radar of concern, whether it is
about your past, your future, someone else's
behaviour, where you're going on holiday this
summer, your task list for today or this week, or
whatever.
Draw a large circle on a separate piece of paper,
taking up most of the paper, then draw a smaller
circle completely contained in the larger circle but
leaving plenty of space between the inner and outer
circle.
Now copy all those items that you have control or
influence over, maybe by having the ear of someone
who can take appropriate action, from your original
list into the inner and smaller of the 2 circles. If
some items have elements that are in your control or
influence and some that aren't, split the items into
the separate elements. You now have your
completed circle of influence.
Now copy everything else on your original list that
you have no control or influence over into the outer
circle. This is your circle of concern without influence.
Here's the point. Spending time and energy on items
that are outside your circle of influence is completely
useless and non productive. How could it be
anything else when you have no influence over the
outcome?
To top it all, when you spend much time
concentrating in this area, others will see you as
ineffective and your circle of influence will shrink
even further as others stop listening to and taking
notice of you.
However, when you operate mainly in your circle of
influence, you are automatically more effective,
others will see you as such and your circle of
influence will therefore expand.
So where do you think concerns over your past and
future fall within this model? I'd suggest that your
past lies completely outside the circle of influence.
After all, how can you change the past?
The future is slightly
different. If there are actions you can take to
influence the future, for example exercise more if
you're worried about your health, then that would fall
in the inner circle. Worrying about the future while
doing nothing about it definitely falls in the outer
circle, rather like I was doing with the coaching tip
before today.
So to summarise, my suggestions for this month to
live more of your life in the present moment are as
follows:
Step 1 - Write down everything
occupying your mind right now that you are
concerned about.
Step 2 - Draw one large
circle and label it on
the outside as The Circle of
Concern.
Step
3 - Draw a smaller circle inside the bigger one and
label it The Circle of Influence.
Step
4 -
Copy all the items from step 1 into the
appropriate circle.
Step 5 - Stop worrying
about items in the outer circle and shift your
concentration into the inside one.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this coaching tip
why not forward it to a friend or colleague? Next
issue on April 26th.
Until next time,