From the desk of Deb Foley, Social worker
Dear Parents, Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and some quality time with your children. I hope that 2012 has started off peacefully and that the skills you are working on are helping create open lines of communication at home and at school! We have spent our first few weeks on some basic communication skills with Listening and Expressing Your Feelings. We will continue this week with the skill Asking For Help. This is an important skill for all students and we hope that we can encourage students to ask for help not only in their academics, but also if they have a social or emotional issue that they need help with. Here is Skill #3 - Asking For Help Elementary School Students - Ask yourself, "Can I do this alone?"
- If not, raise your hand.
- Wait. Say to yourself, "I know I can wait without talking."
- Ask for help in a friendly way.
Adolescent Students - Decide what the problem is.
- Decide if you want help for the problem.
- Think about different people who might help you and pick one.
- Tell the person about the problem and ask that person to help you.
For this skill, I prefer to combine both versions as they both address important issues to think about when asking for help. In the Elementary School version, I like that they teach students to think about the problem and consider if this is a big problem that needs adult intervention or a small problem that they can handle on their own. This is important for adolescents as well as they have the opposite issue and often believe they can handle almost anything. This is an important conversation point for you to discuss. The elementary version is more specific to school and addresses behaviors appropriate for the classroom. As you practice this skill, it will be important to discuss how to ask for help in other settings as well and then adapt the steps accordingly. For example, if your child needs help at home while you are on the phone, they should use steps 1, 3, and 4 but may skip step 2 because it is not appropriate and could be distracting. Instead, maybe they could write you a note saying they need help or let you know in another way. There are many different situations that you as parents face every day that will be very good role plays! The adolescent version of this skill addresses deciding who to ask for help. This is also important for all students. Younger students may always try to ask a teacher or parent for help even at times when a classmate or sibling could assist them. Older students will need to choose who is the most appropriate person to ask for help. This would be different for different types of problems. Difficulties in calculus may need to be addressed with a math teacher whereas problems with friends may be addressed by a list of caring adults. Creating a list of caring adults in your child's life will help them if they have an issue that they want to discuss. It also strengthens your child's support system. This is also a great opportunity to talk with adolescents about seeking help from their friends. Many middle and high school students talk to their friends about their problems before they talk to an adult. As in the elementary version, it is important to help your child distinguish when they need adult support and feedback to help them work through a problem. Most importantly, this will open the door for discussions with your children where you can again let them know that you are there to help, as are many others in our community. JUST A REMINDER- Read through the steps. Model the skill. Discuss the skill. Role-play different scenerios! Practice and give feedback! How is the Super Hero statement working? I feel______ when you ______ and I want you to ________. Is anyone having success with it? I would love to hear how this is going for all of you! Next week's skill will be Problem Solving!! Email, or call with any questions - I am here to give you guidance!! Thanks for taking part in this important community project! Deb Foley dfoley@rsd6.org 860-567-7410 ex 139 As a reminder here is skill #1 - Listening: Listening for Elementary School Students Look at the person who is talking. Sit quietly. Think about what is being said. Say yes or nod your head. Ask a question about the topic to find out more. Listening for Adolescents Look at the person who is talking. Think about what is being said. Wait your turn to talk. Say what you want to say. And Skill #2 Expressing Your Feelings Expressing Your Feelings for Elementary School Students - Stop and think of how your body feels.
- Decide what to call the feeling
- Think about your choices:
- Say to the person, "I feel______."
- Walk away for now.
- Get involved in an activity.
- Act out your best choice.
Expressing Your Feelings for Adolescents - Tune in to what is going on in your body.
- Decide what happened to make you feel that way.
- Decide what you are feeling.
- Think about the different ways to express your feeling and pick one.
- Express your feeling.
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