December 2010

Give yourself a break! That's what the latest research coming out of Wake Forest University and Duke University is saying. Whew and not a moment too soon.

Mark R. Leary a neuroscience and psychology professor at Duke is discovering through research that self compassion, the ability to treat yourself kindly when things go badly, may be better at helping us 'roll with the punches' than self-esteem.

You know how we start to beat ourselves up  when little things happen? We forgot to call a client back, we forget someone's name, we ship the wrong product or give someone the wrong food, a guest is 'grumpy' and takes it out on us.  In fact, I bet you have something that you're beating yourself up about right now.  Don't stop and think about it!  Read on.

Having a positive self esteem has been the best way to combat 'those things' so they don't continue to effect us negatively. Now here is a piece of brand new research that we can add to our positive way of being.

Research just published on self compassion, shows that it may be even more important than self esteem in helping us get back into a healthier frame of mind.  And here's why. Self compassion, treating yourself kindly when things go badly, seems to take the defensiveness out of our reaction to events. (Self esteem defensive? Read on. It was a new thought for me, so maybe it is for you too.)

The thinking is that positive self esteem alone experiences the negative event (the screw up) but then reacts defensively to get beyond it. "I can handle this. "I can fix this", "Not my fault", kind of reactions.

Self compassion on the other hand, takes an approach of self kindness and an acceptance that negative experiences are part of the human condition. Self compassion helps us to not dwell on the negative experience and move on.

Maybe you're wondering, as I was, if self compassion is a non caring. 'let you off the hook'  kind of approach? This study says 'no'. People that use self compassion, accept responsibility for the negative experience, they just don't dwell on it.

So as you move through this holiday season, maybe the nicest thing you could give yourself and all of us for that matter, is a gift of self compassion. Give yourself a break and just let it go.
thumbs up

May, 2007 The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept themselves, to like themselves.

Becoming Self Compassionate:
Remember, Practice Makes Perfect

  • Acknowledge how things are for you RIGHT NOW
  • Take a breath and recognize the truth about how well you are really handling a difficult situation
  • Motivate yourself - but keep it real - not rah, rah
  • Breathe consciously. Breathing settles the body by reducing stress, sadness, anxiety, irritability and muscle tension
  • Expect more. Putting yourself down is a habit. But what we all really want is compassion. Expanding self compassion requires a choice, effort and persistence. Give it to yourself. Make it a habit.  And then give it to others.

To your success,
Bruce Cameron
Front Line Marketing

What a man thinks of himself, that is what determines, or rather indicates, his fate.

I've learned to take time for myself and to treat myself with a great deal of love and respect 'cause I like me.... I think I'm kind of cool.

In This Issue
Self Compassion
The most important thing...
What a person thinks of themself ..
Take time for yourself ..
The worst loneliness ...
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.