August 3, 2011

 

In Evolution - being more of you:   

 

Flip-flops, Amy Winehouse & learning how to
"do" life well...

  

I watched a tiny, tow-headed girl in the park last week. She was half strutting, half stumbling back and forth across the grass in front of me. Her wispy white hair and soulful innocence reminded me of Cindy Lou Who from Dr. Seuss' "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," a favorite of mine since I was a child.

 

Turns out she was learning how to walk in flip-flops!

 

It is remarkable how often we forget that it is necessary -

critical - to learn even the simplest of things. 

 

Which brings me to the sad, untimely death of Amy Winehouse.

Winehouse, the retro soul, hip-hop jazz singer from Britain
packed a whole lot of talent into her tiny, substance-ravaged
body and big beehive hairdo. Her gifts were huge, her addictions that much larger.

 

Her second CD, "Back to Black," released in 2006, was full-on-in-your-face-Winehouse calling attention to our society's

hypocrisy about love, lust, addiction, family, and success itself.

 

That CD won her five of the six Grammy's she was nominated for. 

What Fifty Cent brought to rap, Winehouse brought to her genre; the raw, unvarnished truth wrapped in a big, bold, bodacious

sound.

 

The truth of her lyrics - from "I told ya I was trouble" and "I cheated myself like I knew I would," to "my Daddy thinks I'm
fine" and "you know I'm no good," - rings in your ears long after you hear it. Winehouse wasn't just spinning some pop culture
fluff about her life and our world. She was creative, innovative,
brilliant, and brave.

But God Bless her, Winehouse never learned one of the simplest - and most important - life skills; how to love her self well.

She's not alone.

I would venture to say that almost all of us have - or have had -
an addiction or serious attachment(s) in our lifetimes. I know I have. (For more, go to addiction nation)

You're undoubtedly familiar with addiction. What you may not be
so familiar with is "attachment."

Attachment is when you attach your "energy" to someone
or something in order to alter the way you feel.

Music is the most ready example of this. We attach our emotional
and mental energy to music without even hesitating. We merge
our emotions and thoughts with the energy - the resonance and
vibration - of the music and it impacts how we feel. It may make
us feel excited, enlivened, sad, sexy, calm, or peaceful.

The same principle applies when we watch television or movies -
action, drama, romance, comedy - we attach our energy to
escape our own feelings for a while.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," as they used to say
on Seinfeld.

What science and society has not yet fully recognized however is how frequently - and dysfunctionally - we are attaching to lots and lots of things every day.

People are attaching all day long to texting, tweeting, technology,
gaming, apps, relationships, social networking, sexting, money, food, manipulation, control; the list goes on and on.

All those vampire movies and books are metaphors for what
I'm talking about. That's also why reality shows are so popular; people can get their "fix" from attaching to the drama, pain, and emotional reactivity of these shows.

All of this attaching to things and people outside of us makes it
difficult for us to be grounded and well balanced. It also inundates
our consciousness and impedes - or even obstructs - our own
inner certainty and intimacy. From there it's easy for us to create our own reality. If we're not grounded within ourselves - nor to tangible (not cyber) reality - how can we "feel" what's true or experience accurately what's happening around us?

If you're not grounded strongly within you and most of your
interactions are through technology - rather than real life
experiences - you begin to operate mostly within only your
own emotions and thoughts.

So you walk around fitting everything into your beliefs, rather
than allowing actual experiences to impact you.

Round and round you go in a self-perpetuating, self-validating
cycle of belief....not experience. You are actually conditioning
your own responses to the world, rather than authentically experiencing the world.

If you do that long enough, you can believe that holding the
nation hostage to your limited personal ideology is "good for the country." You know, like our debt ceiling drama. If you do that for
a while longer, you can fully believe that you are making the
world a better place for "Christians," by killing 77 innocent people. Like in Norway.

Bottom line?

Too many of us never learned the simple basics of how to love ourselves well...every day.

We were never actually taught - like that little girl in the flip-flops - the basics. And so even though we really are "grown ups," with all the roles and responsibilities that go along with that job title, we don't possess the tools, practices, and processes to have a life we truly enjoy. So we attach.

Likely our parents didn't know how to love themselves well
either; they were taught that sacrifice or struggling, suffering or surviving was the best that you could hope for.

So, instead of being taught how to love ourselves well, we learned
to "attach" to co-dependant relationships, to spending, obsessing
or controlling money, to substances, to sex, to compulsive
exercise, to controlling our bodies, to the relentless drive to
achieve or consume, to manipulation, to numbing out, to proving our worth, to gaming, texting, tweeting or television. The list
goes on.

In balance, none of these things are "bad." But people have
become reliant on these things, rather than on their own inner ability to feel what is true, experience fully, and nurture all of
their self: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, and financial.

Somewhere along the line our culture came to believe that
learning how to care well for ourselves would happen
by osmosis. And as we grew older - and our lives became
infinitely more complex - we discovered we didn't possess what
we really needed to make changes and meet challenges with
ease and empowerment.

Who among us "grown ups" wants to fess up to that truth?

So, we began using "shortcuts" - attachments - to support ourselves.

What's a shortcut? A shortcut is a Krispy Kreme, instead of
taking a moment to just breathe. A shortcut is a glass of wine, instead of a good walk. A shortcut is denying your authentic
feelings - or depriving your self of pleasure - in order to maintain tight control.

A shortcut is shopping or trading stocks, instead of intimacy.
A shortcut is more running or yoga, instead of challenging conversations that need to happen with a loved one or your
boss. A shortcut is using food - or not eating - as a way to feel
in control of an out of control life.

A shortcut is more time with Facebook "friends" than real friends.
A shortcut is texting, tweeting, gaming...instead of having
fulfilling, enjoyable relationships and in-person communications.

On top of all that, we're now dealing with a rapidly changing,
increasingly challenging world...every day.

The good news? And I promise you this is true; the most powerful, provocative, productive way for you to shift what's
not working in your life - or to simply create more ease and enjoyment in your life - is learning to love you well.

I don't mean airy-fairy, fa-la-la, new age, "hey-man-it's-all-good-
love." I mean the love espoused by everyone from Jesus and the
Buddha, to Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. I mean the love
that is actually an evolutionary process in and of itself.

That's what I'm talkin' about! Seriously.

Fundamentally, there are only two paths in life; Love or Fear.
Everything you do, say, feel, or experience is borne of either
love or fear. Period.

Fear is about suffering, struggle, sacrifice, power, manipulation,
control, lack, and survival. Basically, it's you allowing fear to be your life force; allowing fear to be the energy that drives
you.

Had enough of that gig? I know I have.

Or, there's love. That is, allowing love to be the life force that
fuels you. Love becomes the vehicle...the process. As such, tangibly creating a life you love is as simple as you engaging
in learning how to love you well...every day.

You love you well. You become more loving to others. You get
more love. It's that simple.

Learning to love you well is simple, but not necessarily easy. It
flies in the face of a whole lot of things we've been taught to believe. But I can promise you that learning to love you well will provide you with everything you need and support you to create everything you want.

Sincerely.

(Spiritual truth is always so embarrassingly simple!)

So, if your life is going great and you are navigating it with ease,
enjoyment, and empowerment...more power to you and God
bless you.

If not, and you would like some help learning to navigate a little better - like that tiny tot in her flip-flops -  send me an email
(kelly@kellygracesmith.com).

We can set up a quick 10-15 minute call - at no charge initially -
to see how I may support you...to support yourself.

I can promise you powerful, provocative, productive, profound
results...immediately.

Creating, generating - and sustaining - the life we want doesn't
happen by osmosis; we must learn how to do it.

But, the path to that life is much simpler than you think.

More about "thinking" next time.


    

 

(For more information, go to: Products & services , "Words: words have power," "Mastery: the quantum path to your heart" & "Energy: the science & spirit of you," at www.kellygracesmith.com)    

 

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