July 21, 2011

 

In Evolution - being more of you:   

 

Communication, Soul Mates & Real Relationship  

 

I meet new people all of the time; it's one of the greatest
aspects of what I do. 

 

More and more frequently however, I meet people who think
they already "know" me.

They're familiar with my work, follow "In Evolution," saw
some articles, or read my most recent letter in the
New York Times , etc...

...and so, they believe they know me.

Interesting.

You cannot know someone - anyone - unless you speak directly
to them and/or physically spend time with them. Specifically, you must communicate with them on the telephone or in-person; internet, social networking, texting, and tweeting don't count.

Why?

Because true "knowing" is a function of "complete experience." Complete experience is when you experience someone or
something completely: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Complete experience is the building block of our learning, growth, and emotional maturity.

Complete experience is also the actual process of our evolution
as human beings.

In our mind-driven society however, we have come to believe
that "knowing" is about our mind, our brain, our intellect, or empirical science.

That's an illusion.

Mind - "thinking" - is only one aspect of knowing. If knowing was only about your mind, we'd all be walking around a bunch of disembodied brains like some freaky Star Trek episode!

Seriously!

You are here in a physical body, in a physical world, in a physical reality. So, that which is physical about you - literally the
"physics" of you - is integral to your experience, your knowing,
your growing, your intimacy...and to the process of coming to
know others.

The down-side of email, social networking, texting, and tweeting
is that it has people believe they actually know people...
when they've never even spoken to them or spent time
with them.

Does that make sense to you?

Thinking you "know" someone when you've never actually experienced them...is the seed bed of illusion. That's fertile
soil for misinterpretations, assumptions, illusions, delusions, and dysfunctions to grow.

And that's precisely what messes up our relationships; and ultimately limits our happiness, health, and well-being.

People who've read every word I've ever written don't know me.
They know "about" me, but they don't know me.

You have to "experience" me to know me. You have to hear the sound of my voice, see me in-person, and experience how you
feel in my presence...to begin to know me.

This is true for everyone. Without "experiencing" another person, you're just building a "story" about them...your story. And your story is about you...not them!

So, is this more than a just cautionary tale about social
networking? Absolutely!

· It's about the fact that we create a lot of "stories" about one
  another, rather than directly communicating with one another.

· It's about believing we "know" people when we really don't.

· It's about believing we know other people's meanings, feelings,
  perspectives, intentions, and motivations...when we don't.

· It's about not checking it out with people - talking with them
  directly, asking them their view, inquiring about how they feel -
  and instead believing "you know." ("You know" is about your  
  ego.)

· It's about how frequently we now side-step direct  
  communication with others.

· It's about falling into habits, beliefs, and "stories" - about the 
  people we care for most - and then allowing those habits,
  beliefs, and stories to actually undermine our relationships.

· It's about impeding and obstructing our own intimacy.

· It's about avoiding real intimacy.

Bottom line?

"Live and in-person" communications can be challenging, even
scary at times. But our direct interactions with other people
are exactly how we learn, grow, mature, and evolve.

Why?

It's experience again! One-on-one communication with others is how we experience ourselves and others. And, that's how we
see more of ourselves, become more of ourselves, and learn
about life and love. Direct communication is the bedrock of relationships; of experiencing and learning how to relate.

This discussion also includes so-called "soul mates;" people we
feel or believe we are somehow "spiritually" connected to. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade - I love romance as much as the next person - but if you don't have an actual in-this-world-relationship with someone, you don't have a "relationship."
You have an illusion.

As I said earlier, we are in a physical body in a physical world; therefore in this life...physical reality trumps all. And the illusion of a relationship - "spiritual" or not - will obstruct you
from real relationships.

This is how - and why - so much social networking actually separates us, rather than connects us.

I know this is hard to believe, politically incorrect, and completely contrary to what most people believe...but it is at the root of a whole lot of the dysfunction, depression, delusion, depletion, and imbalance we're now experiencing in our society...every day.

Most important of all, real communication with one another is
where authentic connection and intimacy is born. It's where
we truly "touch" one another...figuratively and literally. To read...
"one touch"

Can you think of anything more enjoyable, fulfilling, enlivening, empowering, or healing...than genuine connection and
intimacy with another human being?


    

 

For more about the concepts in this message, go to "The Certainty of
Intimacy: being more of you," "Redefining Relationship: love, acceptance, freedom," "How to Make Love: spirituality, sex & the Self " & " Energy:
the & science and spirit of you" at www.kellygracesmith.com.)   

 

Copyright © 2011 kelly grace smith All rights reserved.