May 23, 2011

 

In Evolution - being more of you:   

Grief, loss & truth  

 

(Note: This poem is the introduction to the main message below...)

 

brothers 

kelly grace smith   

 

Handsome and muscular like a pair of rodeo riders,

they are warm and polite

to everyone in the room.

 

Comfortable in their own skin; self assured,

but nonetheless,

self-effacing.

 

Their looks and mannerisms are so similar

it is hard to know if they are twins,

or merely brothers.

 

As though they can read each other's mind,

they complete

one another's sentences.

 

When one speaks,

the other nods

knowingly.

 

Though they try to be unobtrusive, their inherent grace

belies

their omnipresence.

 

One holds the door open, while the other

lends

a helping hand.

 

Both rise quickly to offer their seats; to acknowledge

a newcomer.

 

Despite their kindness and humility, everyone is anxious

in their presence.

 

Nervously avoiding the brother's gaze

or greeting,

all manage to distance themselves from the friendly pair.

 

The brothers remain nonchalant to this shunning.

 

Neither aloof, nor unaware of the behavior,

they simply

accept it.

 

Unafraid, I take my seat beside them.

 

They smile warmly with recognition.

After all,

grief and loss are my old friends.

Until recently, I had forgotten what grief feels like. Then
someone I love very much passed away. I was all too quickly reacquainted with my old friends...grief and loss.

My experience of grief is that it blows in out of nowhere, sucks
you up like a tornado, twists you inside out with sadness...then
spits you out and hurls you to the ground.

Given the reality of that, I thought it wise to just allow my self
to grieve for this person I love...rather than fighting it.

Lo and behold I discovered a well of untapped grief below my
grief for the loved one I lost.

Which is not surprising really; my life has been full of
extraordinary challenges and changes these last several years.
But this "other" grief baffled me because it was not accompanied
by regret or remorse; no second-guessing my choices, nor regretting the outcomes.

After a while, I discovered that this "other" grief is not for what
I have lost, but is instead for what will never be created.
Things I wanted very much, people whom I care for very deeply,
experiences I believed with all my heart I would share with others...I now see very clearly...will likely never come to pass.

So, while all this makes for a lovely tale, why is it important?

Why does it matter if you can discern between the grief
of loss vs. the grief for what never actually came to be?

· It's the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.
· It's the difference between hanging on and letting go.
· It's the difference between carrying a burden and being free.
· It's the difference between expectations and seeing with clear
  and accurate awareness.
· It's the difference between illusion and truth.
· It's the difference between belief and reality.

Grief for someone or something you have truly lost always
serves you well; recognizing when your grief is really about
the reality of what never was - and likely can never be - helps
you to learn, grow, mature...and move forward.

So as it turns out, this person I love who died, has been by my
side the whole time: showing me, teaching me, telling me. All
along she has been providing me with the guidance I need to become more of me; to move forward into the next chapter
of my life.

She was like that; a wise rascal in disguise.

God bless her and her family. She will always be a part of me.

    

 

(For more about the concepts in this message, go to "The Certainty of
Intimacy: being more of you," "Redefining Relationship: love acceptance,  freedom," "For Women & Men: the transformative ground of the goddess"
at www.kellygracesmith.com.)

 

Copyright © 2011 kelly grace smith All rights reserved.