"The reality is...people who love themselves well, in turn, know how to love others well." Kelly Grace Smith, April 11, 2011This concept also applies to acceptance, respect, and trust.
You can only accept - respect and trust - others, as well as
you do your self.
You cannot trust others if you do not possess self-trust. And,
you can only see, accept, and respect someone else as well -
and as deeply - as you are able top see, accept, and respect
your self.
As always, this is a truth of physics; the physics of who we are. Human beings are composed of energy; as such, you cannot provide an energy to someone else that you do not
embody within your self.You cannot run without physical energy or make love without
sexual energy. You cannot experience joy - or ecstasy - without emotional energy. You cannot analyze, interpret, or discern
without mental energy.
So it follows, you cannot fully accept others
without a knowing - within you - of true acceptance. That is self-acceptance.
The same with respect, trust, and love. We don't acquire these
energies at birth or by osmosis; we
generate them from
within us.
So, anywhere in your life where you may believe someone is not accepting, respecting, or trusting you...look to see if
you have
been accepting, respecting, and trusting
you well.This is not to condone, excuse, or enable poor behavior in others.
However, if you have
allowed poor behavior,
you are complicit in
its existence in your relationship(s). Somewhere along the line
you dropped the ball on
your own self-worth and
allowed someone to treat you poorly.
First, look to you; how well are you accepting, respecting, and trusting your self these days? You may see some things you were not aware of.
Second, look to the person whom you feel is behaving in an unacceptable manner. In an honoring and appropriate way you
may need to say, "The way you are behaving toward me isn't working for me. We need to discuss this and see if we can both agree to make changes."
Then you need to be
open to listen fully and speak respectfully.
You need to be able to offer concrete examples of what is not working for you. And, you also need to be
prepared to offer appropriate, constructive, and tangible solutions. After all, you
too,
allowed the behavior to become a problem.
The sword always cuts both ways. When someone is treating
you poorly,
you are allowing it. So,
it is up to you...to love you,
accept you, respect you, and trust you enough...to make necessary changes
within you
and in the relationship.
Chances are this isn't the first time - or the first person - with
whom you have allowed the behavior. It benefits you
greatly to
look and see how - and with whom - the pattern has played out
in your life.
I put it this way to people I work with; "Look and see how
you are also responsible for this "dance." Look and see how you have danced
this same dance with different people all your life."
If you are reacting, rather than responding, to someone's
behavior - and your thoughts and emotions feel
familiar to you -
you are engaged in a dance you have danced before.The good news? With this new awareness you now have the power to change the dance forever.
From there you can create - or re-create - relationships in which there is genuine and lasting love, acceptance, respect, and trust.
(For more about the concepts in this email message, go to: "Redefining Relationship: love, acceptance, freedom," "Energy: the science & spirit of you"
& being more of you: "Sometimes I feel like my spouse and I are on a different wavelength..." at www.kellygracesmith.com.)
Copyright © 2011 kelly grace smith All rights reserved.
