Clients say to me "relationship is so hard." I encourage them to
look and see that perhaps it isn't really relationship that is so
hard; perhaps it's what we bring to it - and what we expect from
it - that
makes it hard.
To put it as delicately as possible...
we make relationship hard.
We often times come to relationship looking for "it" to provide something
for us, instead of learning how to provide "it" for ourselves. The problem is we're not actually capable of
receiving something, if we don't have the experience of it within ourselves. That is, we cannot fully and freely receive the love of someone
else, if we have not had
the experience of loving our own self well.It's about physics, the physics of who we are. It's also about self-worth;
believing we are worthy of love.
We all want to be loved. That's reasonable, desirable...essential.
However, what makes us
believe that we will attract someone
who is genuinely capable of loving us well...if
we are not capable
of loving ourselves well?
What makes us
believe someone will be capable of loving
us well, if they don't love
themselves well?
What makes us believe that we can create, generate, and sustain
a loving relationship, if each person is not loving their own self well...so they are then able to love their partner well?
Would you expect an attorney to provide solid legal advice
without a law degree?
Would you expect a doctor to give you an accurate diagnosis without medical training?
Would you expect a great haircut from a stylist with no
experience?
You get the idea.
So, why do we expect love to be different? Why do we expect
to be able to love well - or to
be loved well - if we don't first
have the "experience and training" of loving
our Self well?
Seems pretty simple when you look at it that way, doesn't it?
But that's the problem; we don't look at love from clear and accurate awareness. We've put so much belief and illusion - media and marketing, romance and religion - on the idea of love,
that we can't see the simple truth of love.If you want to love well - and
be loved well - get some training
and experience. And the simplest -
and best - training available
to you...
is learning to love you well.I'm not saying become a narcissist. We're not talking about extremes here; we're talking about awareness, reality,
and balance.
I recognize that most all of us have been taught that loving
others first, is the key to love. How can you know
how to
love others well, if you don't have the
experience of loving
you well?I also recognize that love itself is a crazy, wonderful,
unpredictable, powerful thing.
But that is the
experience and expression of love.The attracting, creating, generating, and sustaining of the love
you desire is another matter. As unromantic as it sounds, there
are practical aspects to love. And if we tend well to those practical aspects,
we're more free to simply - and wildly -
enjoy the experience and expression of love.
Choosing a partner - and/or re-creating a relationship with an existing partner - needs to be based in clear, accurate, and open awareness. It needs to be conscious, grounded in reality, and anchored with clear agreements.
The reality is...people who love
themselves well, in turn,
know how to love others well.
Want to love and be loved today?
Love
you well.
(For more about the concepts in this email message, go to: "Redefining Relationship: Love, Acceptance, Freedom," "How to Make Love: spirituality,
sex & the Self," "Energy: the science & spirit of you" & "For Women & Men:
the transformative ground of the goddess," at www.kellygracesmith.com.)
Copyright © 2011 kelly grace smith All rights reserved.
