No. It's just occurring among fewer people and in more limited places. Many blogs have suggested that the art of conversation is already dead or dying, but, to paraphrase Mark Twain, "Reports of its death are greatly exaggerated," which he wrote after hearing that his obituary had been published.
Another way I answer the question is that "The artists of conversation are dying off,and fewer remain." (Why are they "dying off"?)
As with the pandemic of obesity and poor health, if people exercise too little and eat too much junk food, their health will fail. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, poor sleep habits.
The same is true with the art of conversation: It's a "use it or lose it" proposition.
Key reasons why this art seems to be less healthy:
1. We live in a hurry-up world that doesn't support lengthy conversations. The main way people maintain skills in theart of conversation is by the amount of time they devote to it. However, if everyone's rushing about and too busy to talk, their skills will suffer. (A recent article in the Harvard Alumni Magazine titled "Nonstop" illustrated how rushed the students were, tweeting and texting and facebooking while attending classes and studying . . .with a bit of face-to-face socializing blended in. In short, they spent less time in real conversation.)
2. Conversation has been replaced by television and the internet as a form of social and family entertainment. Although you may go to the home of friends to watch a TV show or a DVD movie, you are less likely to visit for an evening of talk. The number of hours Americans spend watching television is huge compared to the time they spend talking.
During my childhood, family friends and their kids would visit for an evening of coffee and conversation. The kids would play board games or cards. Sometimes we would just listen to the grown-ups, especially if one of them was a good story-teller. Today? Not so much. In fact, almost not at all.
3. "Third places" are fewer. These places are free or inexpensive, such as lodges, bowling alleys, neighborhood pubs, coffee shops. They're like the bar in the classic TV show Cheers, "where everybody knows my name."
Robert Putnam's book, Bowling Alone (2000) described the "The Collapse and Revival of American Community." Since its publication I have seen a continuing collapse - but few signs of revival. (Starbucks doesn't do it. I notice most customers coming solo with their laptops or newspapers and talk to no one.)
4. Conversation skills are not valued in our society as they once were. Rarely do I hear a person described as "well-spoken," or as a "fascinating conversationalist." I used to hear such phrases as compliments that identified a person.
What is highly valued is sought after. If conversation skills were highly valued, hundreds of courses and programs would spring up to help people master them.
How can you maintain or grow your own art of conversation?
a. Participate in a book club or interest group where members discuss ideas. (Most public libraries host such clubs on a wide variety of topics.)
b. Join or create a "conversation café." The rules for setting up such an activity are simple, and free meetings take place in local coffee shops. For details, check www.conversationcafe.org. Or use www.meetup.com in your community to find or start a conversation group that meets for coffee or dinner.
c. Defy convention and host "an evening of conversation" at your home. Turn off the tube.
*Play a word game like "Fictionary" to get people talking.
*Reminisce and share stories from your childhood and teen years. (www.Storycorps.org has great questions that stimulate such reminiscing.)
*View, then discuss, a short talk from TED. This one by Shelly Turkle, "Alone Together," gives insights into the effect of the electronic age on personal relationships: http://tinyurl.com/88mdcte
d. Invite a smart and articulate person in your life for a walk or a cup of tea for the purpose of a deeper conversation. Or host a "Feast of Conversation" event with selected friends. I have facilitated such programs at local libraries for many people who said they were "hungry for some conversation on meaningful topics."
e. Join a Toastmasters club and you'll be among many friendly people who are passionate about being great communicators. Spending time with them will enhance your skills.
To stay trim and physically fit takes time and effort. You have to exercise and eat wholesome food. To keep your art of conversation alive also requires being proactive and making a little extra effort.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Note: Just above the header "Better Conversations Newsletter" at the top of this issue, you'll see a Facebook icon. Clicking on that will take you to your Facebook page. The link to this issue will also appear. You can add a comment and post it so your friends can access this newsletter. (You can also post on Twitter to help raise the standard of conversation in life.)
Until next week,
