Better Conversations Newsletter
"Raising the Standard of Conversation in Life"
Dr. Loren EkrothLoren Ekroth, Ph.D.
 
aka "Dr.Conversation" 
Conversation vs. Talkativeness
Loren Ekroth photo
This Week's Contents
Help Us Grow
Conversation Quotation
Jest Words
Resourceville
Greek and Latin (and Swedish) Roots
Words of Inspiration
New Book for Mothers Day
Conversation vs. Talkativeness
Authorship Information
Quick Links
Join Our List
Join Our Mailing List
This Week's Issue:
May 3, 2012

Hello again, subscriber friend!

 

Today: Conversation vs. Talkativeness

If you like it, please forward it to friends.

Loren Ekroth, publisher 

[email protected]

This Week's Contents

Words this issue:  962  Est. Reading Time: 3 minutes 

 

1. Help Us Grow

2. Conversation Quotation

3. Jest Words

4. Resourceville

5. Word Feature: Greek and Latin Roots

6. Words of Inspiration

7. New Book for Mothers Day, May 13

8. Article: Conversation vs. Talkativeness

 

1.  Help Us Grow

We're inching slowly toward 10,000 subscribers, and if current subscribers (you) invited one person who subscribed, we'd hit that mark. This complimentary newsletter is non-commercial, and seeks "To Raise the Standard of Conversation in Life." You can help!

 

Here's how:

--Forward some issues to your friends

--Suggest to your friends that they visit www.conversationmatters.com

--Post issues on Facebook and Twitter

 

Just above the header Better Conversations Newsletter at the top of this issue, you'll see Facebook and Twitter icons.  Clicking on those will take you to your Facebook and Twitter pages.  The link to this issue will also appear.  You can add a comment and post it. Then your friends will be able to access this newsletter. 

Many thanks for helping to "raise the standard."

2. Conversation Quotation

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can be great."

 

--Mark Twain

3.  Jest Words

 

"Women like silent men. They think they're listening."


     -- Marcel Achard, 1899 - 1974

 

4.  Resourceville:  Why 40 Hours Per Week?

Because the research is clear:

 

For the full story, click here: "People who put in a solid 40 hours a week get more done than those who regularly work 60 or more hours."

 

Note: For any readers who routinely work 50-60 hours per week, take 2 minutes to read this report from a respected business journal.

5.   Greek and Latin (and Swedish) Roots

 

My surname, Ekroth, is Swedish. However, many people, even longtime friends, misspell it as Eckroth. (Eck means "corner" in German.)

 

My name in Swedish means Ek (oak) + roth (root.) (Remember the Swedish actress, Anita Ekberg? Her name means Ek (oak) berg (mountain).

 

Many Swedish (and Norwegian) names reference nature.   Here are a few more with tree references:

 

Lind (linden tree) Lindstrom means "linden stream"

Bok (beech tree) Boklund means "beech grove"

Alm (elm tree) Almgren means "elm branch"

6.  Words of Inspiration

"Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul."

 

-- Henry David Thoreau

7.  New Book for Mothers Day, May 13

In this new e-book, "Motherhood:  The Quotes," you'll find over 250 quotes on themes related to motherhood, with three chapters contributed by other authorities on quotes.  (I  --Loren Ekroth -- wrote the chapter entitled "Talking With Mom.")   Get a copy in seconds for your Kindle, just 99 cents from Amazon.

 
8.  Conversation vs. Talkativeness

      

Many subscribers have complained about too-talkative people who overwhelm them. Most recently Shirley asked me "How can I deal with those people?"

  

First, let's face it. Many folks are about ME instead of WE. That's a problem, because without the collaboration of WE, no conversation takes place. Only monologues in the presence of others.

 

The English language is rich with adjectives for the tendency to talk too much:

 

chatty, disclosive, effusive, endless, fluent, frank, free-tongued, gabby, garrulous, gassy, gushy, long-winded, loquacious, mouthy, outspoken, overtalkative, prolix, protracted, spun-out, talky, verbose, voluble, windy, wordy.

 

Why are some folks so talkative? 

  1. Anxiety: Fears that if they don't talk fast and long, they won't be heard.  (Growing up in a family where children had to vie for attention can contribute to this.)
  2. Competitiveness: Thinking that conversation is a contest with winners having the last word and losers giving in.
  3. "See me!" tendencies. Ego. Showing off. Demanding to be the center of attention.
  4. Cultural and ethnic influences: Examples: On a spectrum, Finns talk little, Italians talk a lot (and enjoy doing so.) Some Native Americans -- such as Navahos and Hopis -- are relatively soft-spoken and sparing with words.
  5. Regional influences: For example, in the U.S., New Yorkers talk fast and fluently. Folks from Vermont and Maine talk briefly. Southerners may talk at length, but more slowly.

For those many who have asked me "What can I do when others talk so much?" here are some suggestions:

 

1.  Ask the loquacious ones to slow down. "Would you talk a bit more slowly? I'm having trouble following you." (Requesting a change in behavior often works.)

 

2.  Tactfully Interrupt. When the verbose one takes a breath, claim the space by saying something like "Excuse me. May I respond to that?"

 

3. Assert yourself. Don't wait for the super-talker to give you a turn. Take it. "What say is interesting, and I'd like to add something."

 

4.  In meetings, use a time-keeper who doesn't allow participants to make lengthy speeches. (This is standard in the U.S. Congress, for example.) Even for informal conversation groups (like Conversation Cafes), a host enforces the rules of brevity.

 

5.  If you are introverted, you'll often be overwhelmed by extraverted talkers. But don't expect them to change to your style because you wish it to be so -- any more than you'd expect a right-handed person to become left-handed. Instead, make some adjustments.

 

The great Johnny Carson of the Tonight Show, an extreme introvert, kept up with his often-windy guests by being actively involved, asking disarming questions, even teasing them. Matt Lauer, host of NBC's Today Show since 1997 and also an introvert, fully engages and guides his chatty guests without being effusive himself.

 

Above all, don't just be resentful that some folks talk so much. Instead, be pro-active and make some small changes in your conversational behavior. Then the talky ones will begin to adjust to you.

   

Until next week,

 

Loren

 

Authorship Information

Loren Ekroth �2012, all rights reserved

 

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. 

 

Contact at [email protected]