"Argue for your limitations - and they're yours!"

People say to me, and also to themselves, statements such as

"I just can't talk to strangers."

"I can't remember names of people I meet."

"During conversations, I often don't know what to say next."

Most of your internal self-talk is out of awareness, but it still affects your feelings and behavior.

However, when you pay attention, you'll be able to notice what you're saying to yourself. Write down what you become aware of. Then you'll be able to replace any negative self-talk with positive self-talk, like

"When I think of strangers as future friends, I can talk to them with comfort."

"In the past, I had trouble remembering names, but now when I use a person's name during our conversation, I can remember it."

"When I listen carefully and ask some questions, I have time to think of what to say."

You'll need to repeat positive statements both aloud and internally. It's also helpful to write them down and carry them with you to refer to. Eventually they'll become integrated into your mental system and replace the negative self-talk.

One other useful approach is to stop listening to the negative noise inside your head. Here's how:

When you identify a limiting piece of self-talk, write out a short contract with yourself, like this:

"I refuse to listen to any thoughts that interfere with me talking to strangers. I'll say "NO!" to them. And I commit to learning interesting new ways to meet and talk to people I don't know." (We tend to honor written contracts we make better than "good intentions" spoken internally to ourselves.)

Clearly, negative self-talk creates obstacles to functioning well. You can overcome them with positive self-talk.

(For readers wanting in-depth information about self-talk, I recommend The Self-Talk Solution, by Shad Helmstetter (1990). It's easy to read and practical. Now out of print, you'll find it available in many public libraries or in used copies at Amazon.com.)

Until next week,

Loren