Although talking with others is natural, in certain situations it takes courage to converse. In this article I'll describe some common reasons for these fears and suggest ways to find the required courage.
1. Concerns about appearing ignorant. You may "clam up" when talking to persons more knowledgeable than yourself because you don't want to reveal how little you know.
One effective way to handle this is to admit not knowing and to be a learner willing to ask questions of the other(s). Peter Drucker, the most esteemed management consultant of the 20th century, wrote "My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions." You can be comfortable talking to very smart people if you are willing to learn from them.
2. Touchy topics. One writer termed this concern as "off-the-table-itis," a social infection that prevents people from bringing up matters that might cause discomfort or conflict.
Many personal relationships struggle with this fear. For example, common "touchy topics" in marriages are money, in-laws, and sex.
One way to reduce your fears so you can talk about an avoided topic are to seek help from a trained counselor or mediator whose presence and skills provide safety. Another way is to agree upon a place and time to talk about an avoided topic with civility and privacy. This allows you time to reflect upon an issue and prepare your thoughts in advance of your talk.
3. Conversing with the rich, famous, or powerful can be daunting. The same when talking with exceptionally beautiful or handsome people. Many folks report feeling tongue-tied and were afraid of saying something stupid. The hesitation almost always stems from self-consciousness, the preoccupation of how you will be seen by the "special other."
If you take your focus off yourself ("How am I doing?") and put it on the other person, and if you think of this as a wonderful opportunity to talk with an unusual person, much of your awkwardness will melt away.
Ultimately, conversation confidence rests upon skills. The greater your level of conversation skills, the more confident you'll be when talking to a variety of people in many different situations. The term for this is "self-efficacy," knowing you can do something because you've done it before.
Until next week,
Loren
