Better Conversations Newsletter
"Raising the Standard of Conversation in Life"
hawaii Loren Ekroth, Ph.D.
 
aka "Dr.Conversation" 
Tip: Are You an Intruder?
Loren Ekroth photo
Tip: Are You an Intruder?
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April 2, 2012

Tip-a-Week

Hello again, my friend!

 

Tip:  Are You an Intruder?
 
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Loren Ekroth, publisher 

[email protected]

Tip:  Are You an Intruder?

Many of you readers are gregarious, friendly folks. I am, too. I enjoy people, both friends and strangers.

 

Here's a mistake I often used to make: Seeing a few people conversing together in a lively manner, I'd head right for them, like a moth toward a flame. Then I'd, well, "barge into" their conversation without being invited.

 

I wasn't alone making this mistake. When I attend professional meetings, I've noticed that some fellow members also do this wedging into conversations.

 

Not good. Why? This behavior may be seen as an unwelcome, rude intrusion.

 

It's the perception that matters. No matter how you perceive yourself (probably as a friendly person), the meaning of your behavior may be perceived as the opposite -- intrusive. Meaning is perception.

 

Fortunately, you can easily manage this tendency:

 

1. Observe the conversers. You can usually determine by their behavior if they are having a private conversation or just a casual chat. If they are standing some distance apart and are looking around at others while talking, they are probably open to your joining them. If they are close and talking in soft voices, they are most likely having a private conversation. In that case, don't interrupt; just move on and talk to others.

 

 

2. Don't assume you're automatically welcome because you already know the people. They may be having a private talk. So check first by asking permission. "Hi, may I join you?" If they're strangers, briefly introduce yourself. Then wait before saying more so you can find out what they're talking about. When you know, you can then enter the give and take of their conversation by making appropriate contributions.

 

 

Loren Ekroth �2012, all rights reserved

 

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and an international expert on conversation for business and social life. 

 

Contact at [email protected]