You all know people who --when you ask "How are you?" -- respond with a litany of troubles. (In fact, from time to time, some of you may "talk troubles" yourself, unlikely as that seems.)
The English language has a rich assortment of verbs to describe this all-too-common behavior, among them to complain, sound off, kvetch, crab, bellyache, gripe, grumble, croak, growl, grunt, remonstrate, find fault, mutter, and whine. However, I'll suggest reasons why most of the time you should avoid complaining.
- Complaining is worse than doing nothing. It just digs your hole deeper.
- Chronic complaining is a turn-off and a downer to others. You are the "dumper," and the person receiving your tales of woe becomes the dumpster on whom you have unloaded your negative energy.
- The negative things you say about yourself to others is also "self-talk," a kind of self-hypnosis. When you say something like "I can never get anything right," you are arguing for your limitations, and then you will truly own them. You become "an innocent victim of circumstances."
4. Complainers attract other complainers and
take turns griping in their "pity parties." They
reinforce each other's views.
5. Complaining causes physical and mental stress. So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress like heart disease and hypertension, you become susceptible to other diseases because of a weakened immune system.
6. Chronic complainers live in a world of their own making. Those who insist "It's awful, there are no good jobs available," give up looking for work. Meanwhile, those who don't believe this look for and often find jobs.
However, there is also legitimate complaining. For example:
--Many of us become cranky and crabby when we're sick. "I feel awful, and I wish this damned pain would go away" is a complaint that may bring some emotional relief. It's different from this kind: "Those committee members are always trying to stab me in the back."
Also, some complaints seek to improve a situation and get results. Examples:
A plumber fixes your tank, charges you a lot, and departs. But it doesn't function. You complain and ask him to return and so the job right.
You buy a piece of equipment, but it doesn't work as advertised. You complain to the seller and get a replacement.
When others violate rules or laws governing their conduct, you can file a complaint to set things right. Your neighbor trespasses on your property? You can make a legal complaint. Not being paid for your overtime work? In most jurisdictions, you can bring your complaint.
The difference? Some complaining is useless. You can complain about the weather, or how certain people don't meet your expectations, or how inflation keeps going up. Over these matters, you have no influence.
It's best not to drown out what's good in your life by complaining.
"You can never get to peace and inner security without first acknowledging all of the good things in your life."
-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin
(A good resource: For methods on how to turn complaints into opportunities, check this book by Jon Gordon: "The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work.")
Until next week,
Loren
