In my 25 years practicing marriage counseling, the #1 complaint by women was "He doesn't listen to me." 

As linguist Deborah Tannen has explained in several books, men and women have different patterns of conversing. She termed these differences "genderlect," which means "a type or style of speech used by a particular gender."

To take into account these genderlect differences, here are practical changes that can help:

Change for men: Listen longer and more carefully to women in your life.

As theologian Paul Tillich wrote, "The first duty of love is to listen."  

Change for women: When talking to men, get to the point. Don't expect them to be interested in lots of minor details about your shopping trip or the personnel changes in your office.

Although women enjoy sharing and listening to details, men prefer to get the gist of an experience -- whether shared by either women or men.

For both women and men: It's always a mistake to make a complaint at the beginning of a conversation-whether it's a date, a call to a friend, a mother phoning her daughter, a business meeting, even a  reprimand.

If you begin the conversation with a comment, like "Why didn't you get here (or call) sooner?   What happened?"  Or, "You're an hour late." Or, "Why didn't you call me last week?"  Even the common phrase "We've got to talk" hints that a complaint is coming.  Avoid such an opening at all costs or you will put the other person on the defensive.  

Practice exercise: She talks for 5 minutes; he listens, then summarizes what she said in 1 minute or less. If the summary isn't quite accurate or suggests a misunderstanding, she can say what was omitted or misunderstood. Then he talks for 5 minutes and receives a 1-minute summary, which he can add to or correct.  

During first practice exercises, content should be emotionally neutral, such as her thoughts about their son's college preferences, her invitation to sing in the church choir, or gift suggestions for his brother's birthday. For him, topics like his new project at the office, plans for a fishing trip, new movies he'd like to see with her.  

Suggested follow-up reading in this book:

"You Just Don't Understand" (You can buy at my website bookstore, www.conversationmatters.com, click bookstore link, go to page 5.)

Note: This classic book by Deborah Tannen describes the main patterns of male and female genderlects.