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Empty Words Ring Hollow
"Talk to you soon."
"Let's get together for lunch sometime."
When your words imply an intention, they must be specific or they ring hollow.
I don't ever recall someone who said "Talk to you soon" talk to me soon. Gooooong! The hollow ring of empty words. And I don't recall persons saying "Let's get together for lunch sometime soon" making arrangements for a time and place. Gooooong! Hollow ring. (I've got one business acquaintance who promised back in 2006 he'd buy lunch for a favor I did for him. I've seen him a dozen times since 2006 and mentioned "lunch?" but still, no lunch. I guess he's been mighty busy. Or maybe, a deadbeat.)
Better alternatives include "Goodbye for now," which implies nothing except the possibility we'll connect again. Instead of "Talk to you soon," how about "I'll see you after class/work/ tomorrow." Specific. And "Let's get together for lunch sometime" needs to be specified with details like "How about lunch next week? I'll check my calendar and phone you tomorrow morning to find a convenient time and place."
Here's one more phrase with empty words said in response to your invitation to dinner at your home: "Thanks," he says. "I'll TRY to make it." In this case, "try" is a weasel word to cover the responder's hesitance. You won't need to prepare another table setting for this person. The chance he'll actually show up is about 5%.
Do you ever respond like that guy? Instead, try these options: "Thanks for the invitation, but I've got a big report to complete by Friday." Or, "Sounds like fun, but I can't attend this time. I've got visitors from out of town."
As Jedi Master Yoda from "The Empire Strikes Back" movie said: "Try? There is no "try." There is only "do" or "not do."
My notion is that when we are forthright and specific , we have integrity. But when our words are vague and hint at promises we can't or don't intend to keep, we are out of integrity.
(Your comments are welcome. Send to loren@conversationmatters.com)
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Until next week's tip,
Loren
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