Better Conversations Newsletter
"Raising the Standard of Conversation in Life"
Dr. Loren EkrothLoren Ekroth, Ph.D.
 
aka "Dr.Conversation" 
One Skill that Doubles Your Impact
Loren Ekroth photo
Today's Contents
Conversation Events in Your Area?
Conversation Quotation
Jest Words
Good Ideas
La Triviata Quiz
Words I Wish I'd Said
Words of Inspiration
La Triviata Answer
One Skill that Doubles Your Impact
Quick Links
Join Our List
Join Our Mailing List
This Week's Issue:
December 29, 2011

Hello again, subscriber friend!

 

Today: One Skill that Doubles Your Impact

Read on.  If you like it, forward it to friends.

Loren Ekroth, publisher 

[email protected]

This Week's Contents

Words this issue:  1,203.  Est. Reading Time: 4 minutes 

  1. Conversation Events in Your Area?
  2. Conversation Quotation
  3. Jest Words
  4. Good Ideas
  5. La Triviata Quiz
  6. Words I Wish I'd said
  7. Words of Inspiration
  8. La Triviata Answer
  9. Article: One Skill That Doubles Your Impact
1. Conversation Events in Your Area?

This is my informal, non-scientific survey to learn what events in your area are devoted to quality conversation. Here are some examples of what I mean:

 

  1. For several years, an "Art of Conversation" gathering is held monthly in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, often in upscale hotels. Big success!
  2. "Conversation Cafes" are held every week or two, usually in restaurants or coffee houses, to discuss a certain theme or question. Begun in the Seattle area, they now take place in dozens of other towns in North America.  For information, www.conversationcafe.org
  3. Socrates Cafes focus on conversation that uses the method of dialogue. (There was one here in Las Vegas, but no longer.)http://www.socratescafemn.org.
  4. Salons. Started by the Utne Reader magazine in the mid-80s, they were an attempt to stimulate gatherings for thoughtful conversation. However, I don't know if these informal groups are still alive and well.
  5. Public workshops or seminars for conversation skill-building.
  6. Other kinds of public programs on conversation.   For example, I have facilitated "A Feast of Conversation" and "The Art of Conversation" programs in my area of Las Vegas with satisfying results.

Please submit a brief description of any conversation events happening in your area of the world to me, [email protected].

 

Great thanks for helping me with this survey!

 

2.   Conversation Quotation

 

"We often contradict an opinion for no other reason than that we do not like the tone in which it is expressed."

 

-Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1905, German philosopher

 

3.  Jest Words

"I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarian and we're skeptical."


     --Arthur C. Clarke, 1917 - 2008

4.  Good Ideas

Choose some people you really like but don't see often enough and make plans to see them regularly in the new year.

 

5. La Triviata Quiz

How many words are in the English language? 

  1. Approx. 1,000,000 words (including scientific words)
  2. There is no single sensible answer to this question
  3. 650-750,000 words
  4. 1,010,649

(Check your answer in number 8, below.)

6.  Words I Wish I'd Said

 

"To be of use in this world is the only way to be happy."

 

--Hans Christian Andersen

7.  Words of Inspiration

"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."

 

-Vaclav Havel: poet, playwright, former President of the Czech Republic. Mr. Havel, leader of the "Velvet Revolution" that overthrew the communist regime in his country, died Sunday morning, Dec. 18, 2011. 

8. La Triviata Answer
 

How many words are in the English language?

 

a. Approx. 1,000,000 words (including scientific words)

b. There is no single sensible answer to this question.

c. 650-750,000 words

d. 1,010,649

 

You win! Three of the answers above are "pretty good." Answer d is probably the closest, and there is much to be said for answer b, the most thoughtful (but least interesting.) Answer a. is "ballpark" close.

 

Background for answer d: The number of words in the English language is:  1,010,649.7.   This is the estimate by the Global Language Monitor on May 24, 2011.

 

The English Language passed the million word 

threshold on June 10, 2009 at 10:22 a.m. (GMT).   Currently there is a new word created every 98 minutes or about 14.7 words per day.

 

9. Article:  One Skill that Doubles Your Impact

 

You guessed it! That one skill is high-quality listening.

 

Many people are poor listeners and don't know it, partly because they think conversation is mainly talking, partly because "even their best friends don't tell them." You could say that poor listening, like bad breath, is an "unconscious incompetence." You can't correct what you're not aware of.

 

 

Bad listening habits to be aware of 

  1. Mentally rehearsing what you want to say while the other is talking.
  2. "Take-aways." Using another's talk to hitchhike with your thoughts.
  3. Being only slightly attentive so you get only bits and pieces of what is said.
  4. Not asking for clarification when you're confused.
  5. Daydreaming, "spacing out," shuttling off in your mind.
  6. Listening to judge or find fault instead of listening to understand.
  7. Being so uncomfortable with moments of silence that you fill the space with your own talk instead of digesting what was said. 

 

Good listening habits that make you exceptional

 

 

1. "Full duplex listening." Paying attention not only to the words spoken, but also to the nuances of voice, facial expression, body language.  Being able to "read between the lines" for hidden meanings.

 

2.  Being responsive by giving off indicators that you are involved and interested. "Hmmm, I see." "OK." "Tell me more."

 

 

3.  Checking your perceptions as you are listening: "Do you mean to say that . . .?" "I sense you disapprove of my suggestion. Is that right?"

4.  Solo-tasking, giving your whole attention to the speaker. Not looking around the room or glancing at your text messages, for example.

5.  Being aware of your tendencies to argue with what you're hearing will help you avoid "reading in" what isn't said. We not only "see through a glass, darkly," but we also listen through our filters, sometimes starkly.

6.  Having as your goal to understand what the person is saying so that you'll have an approximate duplicate of what they intend to convey.

 

Quality listening requires much more than being silent. It requires your mental effort to understand in combination with your expressive capacities to respond. Just as a dance partner must pick up the cues of the leader, a listener has to pick up the cues of the speaker.

 

 

Like any other skill, quality listening requires conscious practice.  As you know, masters of any field continue to practice. Singers have coaches. Craftsmen apprentice for years to acquire their skills. Athletes train and get feedback on their performance. Even the great Pablo

 

 

Casals, arguably the greatest cellist of his time, continued to practice hours each day into his 90s.

 

That's why quality listening is in short supply. People practice how they are talking but very slightly on how they are listening.

 

If you make your one goal to be an excellent listener, I predict you'll double your impact as a conversationalist. With mindful practice you can accomplish this goal in a month or two, and that should be very cheery news!

 

 

Note: For those readers who missed this short video on listening by expert Julian Treasure, I recommend you give it your attention now. For those who already have seen it, it's worth a second look.

  

5 Ways to Listen Better

 

 

In our louder and louder world, says sound expert Julian Treasure, we are losing our listening. In this short, fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening -- to other people and the world around you.

  

To watch this short video, click link above.  

 

   

Until next week,

 

Loren 

 

P.S.  If you like this issue, please share it with a friend.  You can do this by using the "Forward this email to a friend" link.    

Authorship Information

Loren Ekroth �2011, all rights reserved

 

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. 

 

Contact at [email protected]