Note: Last week my email announced "The Art of Conversation" event but omitted the address of the venue. My apologies! The address is 4325 N. Rancho Drive, Las Vegas, NV 89130 in the Northbrooke Business Plaza. Time is 7:00-8:30 p.m., Friday, Nov. 18, 2011. Free and open to the public. (Later I will provide information on how subscribers in other communities can host similar events.)
Now, today's tip: The Power of Silence
Tip: Learn to listen for 3 minutes with engaged silence.
When you're able to do that, you'll be in the top 2% of conversationalists.
Many people seem unable to listen without interrupting, challenging, mentally rehearsing their comments, or chiming in with "Me, too!" take-aways. Such responses do not create a safe and inviting feeling that has great power to evoke deeper conversation.
Learning this simple skill will make you outstanding. You'll stand out from the other 98%.
How to learn this skill?
First, commit to learn this ability. Don't be half-hearted.
Then practice so that you install the skill in your repertoire. At first, aim for just one minute. Then two, then three. You can even begin by practicing alone while listening to recorded talk or TV. If you have a friend who'd also like to learn this skill, use the buddy system for mutual support.
Eventually practice with other persons by asking open questions and focusing on what the other is saying. Examples: "What was your experience of Paris like?" or "Tell me about your family reunion." Be alive to the situation with body language and occasional "uh-huhs" and other encouraging sounds.
Of course, if the other person signals for you to begin talking, you can do so. Being silent for a long period is appropriate for some situations, such as when you're talking with shy, hesitant, or introverted persons.
If you know that you can be comfortable with silence so that you don't feel you must talk, you'll have an emotional calm and confidence that many lack.
Receptive listening is the YIN of the yin-yang in conversation. You need both kinds of energy, both
intake and output. Add this "silence arrow" to your conversational quiver and you'll greatly increase your effectiveness.
Thank you for subscribing and reading this tip!
Until next week's tip,
Loren
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