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by Kay Lindahl, Guest Author
Listening has become a lost art. The information age and the revolution in technology are a mixed blessing. They have made us aware of our global community and given us the tools to communicate with each other 24 hours a day. They have also influenced how we learn to listen. In years past, most people ate dinner together, where they learned the art of communication, including listening. We also had more silence in public spaces, a time to listen. Even television and movies had more silence in them, a time to absorb and listen. But watching television today offers poor examples of listening, with lots of interrupting, shouting, and not paying attention to the speaker. So we have no consistent models of good listening.
Research on listening indicates that we spend about 80% of our waking hours communicating: writing 9%, reading 16%, speaking 30% and 45 to 50 percent of our day engaged in listening, to people, music, TV, radio, etc. About 75 percent of that time we are forgetful, pre-occupied, or not paying attention. One of the factors influencing this statistic is that the average attention span for an adult in the United States is 22 seconds. It's no surprise to note the length of television commercials, usually between 15 to 30 seconds. This constant change of focus makes it more difficult to listen for any significant length of time.
Immediately after we hear someone speak, we remember about half of what they have said. A few hours later we remember only about 10 to 20 percent. Yet, less than 5 percent of us have ever concentrated on developing our skills in listening. When people hear these numbers, they often say: "This is so interesting. I know that I spend hours preparing to speak. I don't think I've ever consciously prepared to listen."
However, many of us are seduced by multi-tasking, always trying to do at least two things at once.Research by neuroscientists, psychologists and management professors suggests that our brains function better if we stay focused on one thing at a time. Multitasking slows us down and greatly increases the chance of mistakes, according to Dr. David E. Mayer, a cognitive scientist at the University of Michigan.
As a result several new syndromes have popped up in our culture. One is called CPA, Continuous Partial Attention - when we continue to e-mail, text message, and blog, while supposedly listening to someone else. Surfer's voice is another - talking or listening to someone on the phone while continuing to surf the internet, read e-mail, IM or text. You can hear the tapping on the keyboard. Absent Presence is another name for these syndromes. . Ironically, constantly being accessible makes us inaccessible.
How do we restore the art of listening? To become a listening presence you need to prepare-not only to listen to others but also to listen to yourself and to that which is beyond words. Just as you take time to write, practice and polish a speech, you need to take time to practice and prepare to listen. Three practices are essential elements of this discipline: cultivating silence, slowing down to reflect, and becoming present.
There is no listening without silence, and yet silence is often hard to come by in our society. It requires taking time to slow down and listen. This is the practice of stopping for a moment, being quiet, learning to listen to the silence. It's like the farmer who allows the soil to be fallow for a while, plowing, yet not planting -only resting. It is the silence within which we listen more deeply.
Take some time each day to practice being silent. There are all kinds of contemplative and meditative practices from which to choose, such as being at ease with silence, a practice that will transform your capacity to listen. You will find you have more space around you to hear those who are not like you or whose opinions you disagree with.
A simple practice: Stop, breathe deeply, and attend to the moment.
Kay Lindahl, CLP, is Founder of The Listening Center, www.sacredlistening.com, in Long Beach, CA and author of The Sacred Art of Listening, Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening, and How Does God Listen, a children's book. She conducts workshops and retreats around the world on the sacred art of listening for religious, spiritual, educational, health services, community and business groups.
Until next week,
Loren
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