Do you feel trampled on when you mention a topic and another person immediately jumps in with a "me-too" response?
Example: Learning that an acquaintance of was of Italian heritage, I asked what part of Italy his grandparents had come from and when they emigrated to the U.S. I was curious because I had lived in Italy for two years.
Then, instead of asking me details of my experience, he began to tell me about his tourist travel to Florence and Rome 20 years earlier. He used my mention of residing in Italy as his springboard.
As an amateur social anthropologist on the lookout for conversation patterns, I find "springboarding" happens frequently. It's the same pattern found among children playing in the sandbox. One girl says she got a new doll, another quickly says "Me, too!" and begins describing her own. A boy says he hit a triple in a baseball game and another boy springboards by saying he won a tennis match. We expect childish competition from kids, but it's unseemly when grown-ups play this game.
Two suggestions:
1. Don't springboard on the topics of others. Instead, listen more, talk less. Ask questions. Say "Tell me more." Others will feel validated by your genuine interest,and you'll probably learn something.
2. If someone springboards you before you've finished your thought, ask if you can finish. Or ask if they'd like to know more about your experience, whatever it is. Maybe buying a car, or attending a family reunion, or seeing a particular movie. If you are asked what you've been up to and you say you went to Zion National Park, don't allow others to take away your topic by saying "Oh, we went to Yellowstone last year." Instead be assertive and say "I'd like to hear about Yellowstone, but first I'd like to share some highlights of Zion Park, OK?"
By the way, you yourself may be a "springboarder." Most talkers are not aware of their habits and think they are merely being friendly by playing "Me, too!" Now that you're more aware of springboarding, notice how many people do this. Then see if you do this, too.
Until next week,
Loren
