If you want to enliven your conversations, my counsel is to try something new. And different. Doing so will add some spice to what might be pretty bland. No need to make any profound
New Year's resolutions to do this, either. You can start with little baby steps with the recipes listed below. I've used them all when appropriate. I've found that they work nicely.
The underlying principle is to break the routine of what otherwise might be a thuddingly dull interchange. When you manage to "break set" of interactive habits, you'll be more
creative, and the conversation will have more fuel.
Here's a list of practical tips you can use to break away from routines and "wake'em up"
◊ Wear Unusual Name Tags:
If you attend a social mixer or business conference that uses paper name tags, you can diverge from the usual by adding a conversation starter such as "My Home Town is Kankakee, Illinois." or "I write cookbooks for children" or "I seek a personal assistant." These little differences usually facilitate interesting talk. (To be outstanding, you have to stand out from the crowd.)
◊ Use Distinctive business cards:
No need to spend a fortune. You can, for example, put useful information on the back of your card, or use a different size with special graphics. Or print an 8-page info-booklet with your contact information (people keep these if the information is valuable.) You can even create "audio cards" at pretty low cost.
At a Christmas party I met a Hollywood designer for Madonna, Lady GaGa, and Cher, among dozens of other stars. We exchanged cards. I gave him my poker chip card and he gave me a stunning metal card glistening with silver alloy. He may not keep my card, but I'll keep his!
◊ Ask Provocative Questions:
You can ask stimulating "surprise" questions early on. Such as "Tell me something about your work that would surprise me." Or "Can you share something about your early life that might surprise me?" Don't make your question unduly personal, and remember that your conversation partner can choose how they answer.
(Example: I might answer an early life question truthfully, that "I grew up in a county jail when my father was sheriff." Or I might say that I won my elementary school spelling bee when I was 11.)
◊ Sprinkle in Quotations:
You can flavor your ordinary conversation with pithy quotations, not to show off, but to emphasize a point or inject some wisdom. Proverbs work nicely. "I'm a Ben Franklin kind of person. You know, 'early to bed, early to rise.' Please don't phone me after 9 p.m. " One of my Christmas favorites is from Charles Dickens: "Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at Christmas time." Timely quotes from credible sources in the media can be potent in business groups, as in "Warren Buffet has recommended higher taxes for himself!" Ebert on movies; Samuelson on economics; Phil Jackson on basketball; Oprah on popular culture, etc. Quote the best, most interesting sources.
Sources for quotations are many and they are easily available in libraries. Or here's a good reference you can buy for $10: "Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes". The quotes are pithy, punchy, and memorable.
◊ Tell Stories or Anecdotes:
These can be engaging, especially life stories. While attending a Christmas Eve dinner guests around the table recounted the Christmas events of their childhoods in a sentimental exchange. Very appropriate, sometimes touching, sometimes funny.
Of course, avoid long, rambling tales. Keep your conversational stories crisp and lively. Your material can usually be from your own life and your observations. We humans are "hard-wired" to tell and listen to stories, and almost everyone enjoys a good story well told. You're not skilled at telling stories? Then learn from the best by observing and practicing. Watch DVDs of great story-tellers.
◊ Inject Humor:
I grew up near Duluth, MN, and people sometimes say "Duluth: Wow, it's really cold there, isn't it?" I respond with "Yes, Bob Hope said that the coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in Duluth." This never fails to get a chuckle. Humor is a great leaven in otherwise serious conversations; it lightens up the emotional tone. Best of all is humor that you can find in the situation itself. You might exaggerate, or point out some oddity. Far less effective is to tell long jokes you've heard from others--and you'll find that out when you try. Why? As Mark Twain remarked, "A fellow who picks a cat up by the tail gets a hundred times as much information as one who's never done it."
◊ Seek out and Talk with Stimulating New People
If you talk mainly to the same people each day, you'll not up-level your conversation versatility. So participate in a book club or interest group, or join a Toastmasters Club. Show up at business mixers where you interact with strangers. Take an interactive-style class at a community college. Invite a fascinating person you meet to have lunch (you pick up the tab.) Form a MasterMind group.
To bust out of the routine, you must, well, bust out of the routine. So, take one small step by doing something fresh and different. Start now, just one new baby-step. Otherwise, this might be your fate:
"Do you know what happens when you give a procrastinator a good idea? Nothing!"
-- Donald Gardner
