Some months ago I dined with old friends at an outstanding buffet of French cuisine offered by the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas: We had delicious entrees from the various regions of France.   Some dishes, like the crepes, were prepared to order from fresh ingredients.  In all, we had a leisurely repast, sharing our lives among friends in a hospitable venue. Later, I pondered the question: "How often do we have 'gourmet conversations' made especially for us of fresh ingredients?" Too rarely, I thought, based on my observations.  

In our hurry-up world, we are more likely to have pre-packaged 'fast-food' conversations that are predictable and forgettable. Just as it is easier to pick up take-out dinner from Boston Market or the Olive Garden, it is also easier to interact by using conversational routines that others can barely taste with their minds and hearts.  

I thought of gourmet conversations such as those that give pleasure and satisfaction, and not merely basic nourishment. Their purpose is not to accomplish a task, but to provide enjoyment. I thought that to co-create and enjoy a gourmet conversation, at least these 5 factors would be required:  

1.      Time that allows persons to savor the feast of words and experiences.  How much time? "Enough" to eliminate the rush and establish a sense of leisure. A 45-minute "power lunch" doesn't work very well, nor does a brisk chat by the water cooler.  Time must be adequate for the purpose of communing with each other for enjoyment.    

 2.  Place: An ambiance that supports personal talk.  Also needed, a place where people are not only left alone to talk, but are even supported in doing so, as in a restaurant where wait-staff is available but not intrusive. A park-bench can serve nicely, or a living room without TV or clatter. Many other settings will serve the purpose so long as they allow and don't distract from comfortable talk. (Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks, says he got his business idea while traveling in Italy and seeing how often friends came together for the pleasure of coffee and talk.)   

3.       Fresh talk ingredients "in season": New ideas and expressions that delight.  Ideas that complement one another and are of special interest. No fast-food or warmed-up left-overs. Instead, specific and personal insights, reflections, memories that delight. Newly harvested knowledge, shared with eager listeners.

4.      One or two persons (or a group) who appreciate the enjoyments of talk that is adapted to the listeners' interests, background, and understanding. Routine conversation - the convenient norm -- offers a one-size-fits-all experience.  But gourmet conversation requires that each one feels spoken to personally. Therefore, The talk must be "other-centered" instead of "me-centered."

5.      Some basic rules of civility so that no one tries to dominate or start an argument.  Gourmet conversation is more like a dialogue, not a debate, and anyone who wants to talk can have their turns.

      Ideally, your fellow talkers will be those who appreciate talk for its own sake and don't need to have a practical purpose. The main goals of this conversation are enjoyment and satisfaction.   People who feel goal-driven become impatient with leisurely talk that doesn't move toward a practical end.  Conversational partners who urge you to "get to the point" will not enjoy an experience in which there is no "point" except exploration, through talk, of many ideas, experiences, and feelings.  

     In the pre-television days of my childhood I remember weekend evenings with neighbors and family friends dropping by for coffee and cake and leisurely chats.  The conversation itself was the entertainment.  My favorite parts were the reminiscences of "the early years" and the stories of adventures and challenges.  In my twenties I served in the U.S. Army in Italy and had the pleasure of dining with Italian families I met.  Those delightful meals could go

on for two or three hours, and throughout the meals was colorful, enthusiastic talk.  Truly "gourmet conversations."

The song "Summertime" from Gershwin's musical Porgy and Bess contains the line  "Summertime, and the living is easy . . ."   That's the sense of a gourmet conversation. It doesn't feel like work and it evokes pure enjoyment through delightful talk.