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Tellers, Sellers, and Yellers
These three types of talkers like to have the final word.
They also like to be right.
See if you recognize these styles.
The "Teller" Style
"Tellers" lecture, expound, and explain to others.
Their tendency may be an occupational style that often
accompanies professions of expertise such as medical
doctors, college professors, attorneys, and other
advice-givers.
In conversation, tellers tend to use forms of the
verb to be. They believe they are explaining to you the
way it "really is." You will rarely find them using modifying
phrases like "the way it looks to me," or "my viewpoint on
that is . . ." Instead, they speak their truth as if it is
THE truth when instead, as we know, it is their opinion,
or their conclusion, or merely their "story."
Tellers feel satisfaction in talking much more than in
attending or actually listening. After all, during listening
they will sometimes hear thoughts and opinions contrary
to their own, and that is not at all satisfying to them.
They'd prefer hearing themselves informing others, and
they are usually well-intentioned in doing so, even though
blind to the possibility that others also have valid ideas
to share. They are willing to accept mere acquiescence
or compliance as appropriate responses.
The "Seller" Style
Sellers like to "close the sale" by managing the talk.
They are usually well-rehearsed in their opinions, and
they seek to convince, to overcome objections, even to
wear down their conversational targets (or adversaries.)
Sellers get their satisfaction from "winning'em over" and
having other conversers actually admit "I guess you're
right."
Some sellers are actual salespersons, but one need not
work in this profession to adopt the "seller's stance"
during conversation. For example, lots of people show
symptoms of the "selling" approach when they use the
"Yes, but . . ." structures to dismiss your objections.
They want their ideas to prevail and are not really open to considering your alternative ideas.
(Notice this style manifesting during our current political
season - when both "sides" believe they are absolutely
right..)
The "Yeller" Style
"Yellers" will attempt to conquer with vocal volume.
Their voices will become louder as they overtalk. Try
to interrupt them? No use. They talk louder, and they
keep talking. (Public examples include pundits on
TV talk shows who schedule adversaries.)
Private examples abound, as in personal and spousal
arguments. Observe children yellers, and also observe
grown-up "children" trying to out-shout each other when
civility and reason fails. Silly arguments over "best team"
or "best player" among sports fans, a common example.
All of the above styles are competitive. Each has a purpose
of dominating others. None have the purpose of increasing their own understanding.
Ideal Purpose of Conversation:
At its best, conversation is a collaboration among people,
not a competition. Sometimes, for fun (as in word-games),
it can be a "co-opetition." True dialogue is a collaboration, with all participants keeping an open mind to new possibilities.
However, In the teller, seller, and yeller styles, the frame around the conversation is competition: The teller seeks to overcome ignorance by "informing." The seller seeks to convince the reluctant or the wrong-headed by winning the argument. The yeller seeks to dominate by vocal power - to win by overtalk or shouting.
People using these three styles may be fluent and verbally skilled talkers but, lacking the instinct or talent for collaboration, they are not masters of conversation.
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