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This Week's Issue:
August 18, 2010 | | |
Hello again, subscriber friend!
Today's short article is about how others bore you.
I hope you find value in it and can apply its ideas.
loren@conversationmatters.com |
| Today's Contents | |
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(Words this issue: 515 Reading time: 2 minutes)
- Conversation Mastery Test
- Conversation Quotation
- Word-a-Week
- Jest Words
- Why Some People Bore Us
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| 1.Conversation Mastery Self-Assessment | |
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You can take this skills test quickly to determine your
level of proficiency in social conversation. Only 25
items, and it scores itself. To take this assessment,
go to www.conversationmatters.com, click on
self-test link on homepage toolbar. |
| 2. Conversation Quotation | |
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"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."
--Dorothy Parker |
| 3. Word-a-Week: stolid (adj) | |
having or expressing little or no sensibility : unemotional
Example
"The minister was a man of such stolid temperament we found it impossible to read his true feelings." |
| 4. Jest Words | |
| "Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
--Ambrose Bierce, American satirist (1842-1914) |
| 5. Why Some People Bore Us | |
The two main reasons we may be bored by others during
conversation are these:
- Certain people converse in ways that don't gain or hold our interest. and...
- If you are narrow-minded and interested in only a few topics (such as sports or fashion), then you may be bored by most talk. Boredom is, after all, "the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest."
Some of the main causes why a person doesn't gain or hold interest:
- They don't express with much emotion. They have "flat affect." Without at least some feelings in their expression, they have no flavor in their words. Deadpan may be good for playing poker, but it's terrible for engaging others in conversation.
- They are incurious about us and don't ask us questions except routine ones like "How's it going?" They are also incurious about the wide, wide world and show no genuine curiosity. (Apparently they've made up their minds.)
- They are not current with what's happening. If they do share some news, it's old stuff we already know. They usually seem to be reporting yesterday's newspaper.
- They speak words but with little vocal variety. They sound mechanical because they don't change their pace, pitch and volume to emphasize their meaning. They don't use pauses with good effect. They express without vocal color.
- They are predictable and tend to cover the same topics again and again. Without an occasional detour or surprise to intrigue us, we tend to lose interest. For example, if they are self-absorbed (and many people are), they talk exclusively about themselves and their points of view.
2. If you are a "tiny world specialist" with few interests, you rarely read or listen to information outside that narrow realm. You might be much in demand as an expert in a certain field such as culinary arts, bass fishing, or musical theater. You can hold forth with your expertise when meeting fans of a specific field. But you will rarely be adept at general social conversation because it ranges across a wide array of topics.
Finally, what is a good cure for conversational boredom?
Curiosity. Genuine curiosity. As the great Dale Carnegie wrote:
""You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
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