Wow! Profound news: That people who participate in deep, meaningful conversations are happier than those who mainly engage in routine talk or small talk - like "weather talk" or gossip or which TV shows they liked.
Could this be so? Well, at least tentatively when based upon the recent study by University of Arizona psychology professor Matthias Mehl. His published study involved 79 college students, 32 men and 47 women, who agreed to wear an electronically activated recorder that recorded little segments of their conversations for four days. Those were then
classified by researchers as either substantive talk about current affairs, philosophy, etc. or small and routine talk.
The findings? Those whose self-reports on satisfaction with life and other happiness measures were higher had engaged in a much greater percentage of substantive conversations than those with lower "satisfaction with life" reports. Professor Mehl is continuing his studies in this area, so stay tuned to learn if future research confirms his initial findings.
Intuitively, these conclusions make sense. Routine talk is predictable and not very nourishing, kind of like the empty calories in some fast food. If our encounters with others include mainly "same old, same old" talk, we come away empty. We've not been stimulated; our minds have not
been exercised or stretched.
But when we engage in a "meaningful" conversation, and especially one that challenges our assumptions and beliefs, we've gained something that feeds us - something to think about. If we're really fortunate, we may even be wiser from that conversation.
It is not true for me that "ignorance is bliss." Not knowing is not a platform for life satisfaction. In fact, I find some alliance between "knowing" and a sense of confidence that supports happiness and satisfaction. Continuing to learn and to stretch your mental muscles does for your consciousness what exercise does for your body -- makes it stronger and healthier.
One obstacle to your having more meaningful conversations is that you don't want to appear like a "smarty-pants" - a person too philosophical or serious. "Lighten up," you'd be told. Or "Get off it!" (Unless you're in an appropriate class or workshop that focuses on deeper topics.)
Many of you remember that I've often included a "provoquotation" in my newsletters. That is, a "provocative quotation" to stimulate talk. I suggested that you engage another person in exploring those ideas, but I don't
know who among you actually did that. (You didn't say.)
For example, as a mental exercise with an understanding friend,
you could suggest: "Here's a thought that intrigued me, Joe:
'Orthodoxy means not thinking - not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.'
That's what George Orwell wrote over 50 years ago. What do you think, Joe?"
Joe responds, and you continue in a back-and-forth exploration based on your own experiences and observations.
Or you could try one by futurist Alvin Toffler:
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Or hundreds of other "provoquotations" like this ancient one by Jesus of Nazareth:
"A prophet is without honor only in his hometown, among his relatives, and in his own home."
(I've created a skills-based game for deeper conversations in a kit. You win conversation skills points for how well you deepen the conversation through questions (like dialogue) and the vibrancy and appropriateness of your idea contributions. This game will soon be available in a "kit" form for those who'd prefer to have conversations that stretch you and further build your skills.)
For now, I'll leave you with the tentative (but not shaky) conclusion that your happiness is indeed related to how many meaningful conversations you have with friends and associates. What do you think of that?
(I'd like to know, so please respond to me at Loren@conversationmatters.com)
