Better Conversations Newsletter
"Raising the Standard of Conversation in Life"
Loren Ekroth, Ph.D.
 DrConversation
 
aka "Dr.Conversation" 
Interview Like a Pro
Loren Ekroth photo
Conversation Program Soon
Interview Like a Pro
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This Week's Issue:
June 24, 2010

Hello again, converser friend!

 

Today is another issue from Rhinebeck, NY.

You can read it in 4 minutes.

 
If you think a friend or co-worker would like this
ezine, please forward this or suggest they subscribe.
 
Thank you for your support! 
 

Loren Ekroth, publisher

[email protected]

Conversation Program soon
I have moved into a pleasant townhouse in a forested setting a few miles outside of the town of Rhinebeck, NY (pop. 7,000)
In the next few months I will offer a revised program of my
"Conversation Coaching Clubs" at the Rhinebeck public library
to test some new materials I'm adding before re-launching the program.  Stay tuned for worldwide launch.

Some of you who live in this mid-Hudson River area may be interested in attending.  There will be no charge for the 5
sessions -- most likely held on a weekday evening in  Rhinebeck from 6:30 to 8:30, dates TBA.  Email me if you are interested: [email protected].

My tasks now are:  1.  Get unpacked and plugged in with phone and internet and 2.  Create community of new friends who value good human relationships and are actively involved
in their lives and intellectually curious.  If you'd like to meet
for coffee or lunch in Rhinebeck, Red Hook, Kingston, Poughkeepsie, New Paltz, or Woodstock, please let me know
by email.  Many thanks.
Article:  Interview Like a Pro
You can have high quality conversations even when you
don't talk much.  For example, you talk 15-20% of the time, your partner 80-85% of the time.  (Socrates himself spoke
less than 20% during his classic teaching dialogues.)
 
For a change, imagine your conversational partner as a
guest expert and you are a media interviewer.  Now the
conversation is not about you, but about the other person.
Your goal is to engage him/her in a lively and hospitable way so that anyone within hearing range would become interested and want to listen.

My suggestion:  Observe and learn from the best exemplars
in this particular art of conversation.  Here (in my opinion) are some of the best:  Charlie Rose, Terry Gross, Larry King,
George Noory, Diane Riehm.  I also like Ian Punnett, host
weekends on "Coast to Coast AM" nighttime radio show.
 
Here's what you can notice about how these hosts engage
their guests:

1.  They demonstrate intense listening.  They watch their guest's body language and vocal changes and "read between the lines" so they can pick up on what is hinted at but not
explicitly said.  They are good at the dance of conversation -- following the lead of their guests.

 2.  They show genuine interest in the person they interview.  Not real or faked.  You can hear their interest and excitement in their voices.  (Low quality interviewers are not very interested and compete with the other person.)

 3.  They ask challenging questions, and they do this is a
friendly and hospitable manner.  They make their guests
feel welcome and safe -- never threatened.
 
 4.  They improvise as the conversation moves along.  Often they'll take detours instead of continuing down a routine path.
However, if their improvised comments or questions disarm
their guest, they give emotional support and adequate time
for the guest to get her bearings and recover.

When you re-frame the situation from a "Me too!" format to a "Tell me about you" format, you can engage friends, customers, employees, and business prospects in lively and deep conversation.

And you can learn a lot -- just by watching and listening.

Useful, optional homework:  Listen to several of the best media interviewers like those above.  Look for the patterns of how they engage and draw out their guests.  Don't copy their
unique mannerisms, but practice and apply their conversational skill patterns.  Success leaves clues.
Find and take notes on these clues, then use them.

Loren Ekroth �2010, all rights reserved

 

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. 

 

Contact at [email protected]