Without awareness, we cannot change.

Without feedback, we have little awareness.

Most conversation habits are out-of-awareness, and

and some may cause problems with others.  We have

"blind spots" in our behavior, sometimes known as the

"bad breath" area.  The adage that "Even your best friends

won't tell you"  applies here.  That is, unless you ask

a coach or trusted friend.

To gain greater awareness, you can hire a personal

coach who specializes in communication behavior.

Or you can ask a trusted friend to give you feedback.

(This person should not be a spouse or other family

member.)  If they agree, you can ask them to respond

to a few basic questions such as "When we talk, how am

I as a listener?"  and "Do I explain things clearly?"

Their comments should not be opinions, but should be

based on their observations and experience of how you

talk.  They might tell you, for example, that

"You often seem distracted when we talk, as if you

are preoccupied.  I don't sense your full attention."

or "You speak softly, and I have difficulty hearing you."

And "You occasionally interrupt me before I finish my

thoughts."

With this kind of feedback you gain awareness, and with

awareness you can begin to make positive changes.

You could also create a "buddy system" with a good friend

in which you "co-coach" each other.  Members of Toastmasters speaking clubs often do this, and it's very helpful.

For starters, you might take the conversation mastery

Another useful tool for thinking about how you appear to

others is known as the "Johari Window" of our personality.

A good description of this tool can be found at

www.wikipedia.org