A few weeks ago I asked subscribers to submit the most
annoying conversational habits they experience from others.
Here are the top 4 annoyances they submitted:
#1 Most annoying is interrupting before you've finished your thought.
As Janice Hayward wrote, ""Not only is it annoying when someone interrupts, it is more annoying when they finish the sentence for you and finish it incorrectly."
Jon Bernstein is annoyed when someone asks a question before he gives them his information in full.
Others wrote about different kinds of interruptions, such as when the other blurts out whatever is on their mind, regardless of what you are saying.
#2. Take-aways. When the converser turns the attention
back to themselves by grabbing control. Kim Willis of Maui wrote: "The most annoying "move" I can think of is when people constantly turn any conversation to themselves. For instance, if I say "My boss is driving me crazy," instead of asking why, they proceed to tell me all about their boss. Savannah Walters is greatly annoyed by people who
regularly "one-up" her. For example, if she talks about a trip she took, they immediately talk about a "better" trip they took without giving her a chance to describe her own trip.
#3. Dominators. "When the other person talks non-stop, without break or opportunity for response. They when they've said what they want, they are through with you." This comment from Kathy McCoy was typical of those who wrote about this annoyance of long-winded, self-centered conversers.
#4. Split attention listening, such as "doing something else while I'm talking with them. For example, continuing to draft an email or surf the web." So commented Carol Steichen. Other examples of poor listening included those people who pretend to listen while rehearsing what they want to say or just waiting their turn to talk with no interest in what you are saying.
Also mentioned as annoying:
--"Know-it-alls" --People who believe they are right about everything and show no interest in other opinions.
--Those who want to argue instead of understand.
--Those who talk loudly and speak over you if you're trying to
get a word in.
My great thanks to those who gave thought and time to submit their "favorite" annoyances.
Now, what, if anything, can be done to curtail these and other annoyances during conversations you have?
- Ask for different behavior. Example, "Fred, would you hold your reaction until I have finished my thought? That would help me a lot." Or, Sally, could you finish your email later after we complete our conversation?
2. Give them direct feedback, such as "When you
talk at length, I don't have a chance to respond with
my own thoughts, and that's very frustrating." "Ernie,
you asked me a question, but you didn't give me
time to complete my answer. I just need another minute
or two, OK?"
- Now, if a certain person is obstinate and continues their annoying habit even after learning from me that it's making conversation difficult, I choose to reduce contact with that person. Conversation is like a dance, and if they resist dancing the same dance of leading and following and taking turns, it's not enjoyable, and I don't want to continue.
Finally, you yourself may have some annoying habit(s) that you don't know about but that damage your relationships. Like people who have bad breath and don't know it. To find out, you could ask a few trusted friends this simple question: "How am I doing when I converse with you?" You might learn useful information that would help you change if you choose to.
